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#425726 - 02/18/13 10:14 PM Hello
Zug Offline

Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 56
Loc: Progress
Childhood and adult sexual assaults. Childhood memories are murky. Adult attacks were perpetrated by 'friends' of my xwife (some of whom were supposedly friends of mine)that she partied and swings with. I was basically taken totally apart by these attacks-they destroyed 2 careers. In the end I was totally under their control-I was drunk much of the time. I had no idea what happened to me when my life fell apart in Spring of 2002. I was a soldier preparing to deploy. I have lived through 10 years of symptoms and intense active alcoholism. I had to be hammered out of my mind to sleep. Symptoms started with insomnia. I was hospitalized for 'BiPolar Disorder' one of the new 'catchall' psychological fashion words. My exwife went to psychiatric appointments with me shaking her head and acting concerned. I just celebrated 5 years sobriety on the 12th, but I have realized none of the 'promises'. Only major progess has been that I got myself out of situation and am no longer being drugged and raped. I have terrible psychological symptoms as a result and have not worked since 2003. I have 12 years of service and have struggled with guilt, shame on multiple counts. My exwife has made much mileage out of my symptoms over the years, as well as securing people's help (like bartenders) by telling them that I beat her and the kids, etc. I have lived the control and domination that others have described here and can attest to it's destructive power. I am a shell of the person I once was, unable to function, trust or even leave where I live. My childhood was one of abuse, illegal activity-drugs, violence, organized crime, etc. My mother is a sex addict and one of my attackers, she avoided and ignored all signs of any abuse. Her last husband told the story of how he used to rub his infant daughter's clitoris when he changed her diaper, he was PROUD of it. The people that I gravitated to were very similar to those I was raised around. I am lucky to be alive and still in serious danger. I have reported these crimes twice (they happened in a neighboring state)and the 'investigating officer' (JOKE) yelled at and attempted to bully and intimidate me last time we spoke on the phone. My ex is currently and actively involved in illegal activity-she runs a business that sells sex (new age shop/massage parlor) and my son (17) and daughter (22) are in that shop regularly, shop is 2 doors down from where they live. This is disgusting. I can tell all of you that if something like this can happen to me-it happened, I reported, and it was ignored, etc- it can happen to ANYONE. These are some very sick people. The VA has been little to no help-before I figured out the attacks I was seeing a VA therapist (this was after I had left my x)that I told about her extremely controlling, manipulative behavior and told him in no uncertain terms to contact or speak to her. When I missed an appointment, he called her. People need to understand that it is not just men that can be twisted into monsters that live to control, and dominate people through sex. These people are still doing this on AN ORGANIZED BASIS, they are a menace. These people have my ssn, and know where I live. My home has been broken into, women have approached and attempted to initiate 'encounters', etc. These people will never leave me alone and I have no help. I am grateful that I found this site. Thank you for listening.

Edited by Zug (03/01/13 10:53 PM)
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
-Charles Bukowski

#425779 - 02/19/13 05:37 AM Re: Hello [Re: Zug]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2242
Hi Zug,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

I can hear the rage, and the outrage, in your words. With so much trauma, it is more than understandable. What is not understandable is that those who have a duty to help are refusing to listen to you. I just don't understand why law enforcement is refusing to look into the inappropriate things to which your kids have, and are, being exposed.

There are many forums here you may find helpful. There is the Men Abused/ Assaulted as Adults and the Survivors of Female Abuse, in addition to the Male Survivors and other forums.

You do not say whether or not you are in therapy. If you feel therapy is an option, there are resources available. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping. Psychology Today has listings of therapists for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.

There are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

Male Rape: Breaking the Silence on the Last Taboo by Richard McMullen

I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on *Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone.

*The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is temporarily suspended.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#425832 - 02/19/13 05:15 PM Re: Hello [Re: Zug]
jay75 Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
Hi Zug,

Fist off I think you are incredibly brave for sharing your story, I know it is extremely difficult to share and recollect painful memories especially when writing them. Welcome to MS and I hope you find camaraderie and strength here. We all have a different story to tell and have had different experiences but you will find that we are not at all different.

Be Well,
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

#426837 - 03/01/13 02:38 PM Re: Hello [Re: Zug]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3866
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Zug, good to see you here man.
It took a lot of courage to write and share your story with us smile
I found great and supportive community here, many of us have similar issues and it is good to not feel alone.
Keep sharing with us!

My story


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