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#425309 - 02/15/13 04:10 AM I don't deserve you guys
Jwmcd2 Offline

Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 110
I know I don't post often. Sorry about that. I know that I've been a major ass to people recently and have been really self-centered.

I wanted to take this chance to formally apologize tot eh Ms community (especially the men and women in the chatroom) for the man that I am and how I have acted. I do everything to the extreme. Either through attacks on people's sexuality or religion to general ignoring of other people, I truly am sorry.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to my fellow brothers here at MS. In no way is it an attempt to redeem myself, because I am not redeemable. In no way is it meant to draw attention to myself, for I am nothing. Purely, it is an apology, for as much as it's worth coming from something like me, to respectable individuals like yourselves. I feel a deep, burning shame in the pit of my stomach for what I've done to this community. The lives I may have broken... the smiles I've destroyed, the tempers I've embroiled in anger. I'm hardly a fitting match for those achieving recovery.

So let this be my testament and will, that you as a community may grow beyond me and further your own causes and recovery in spite of myself.

#425310 - 02/15/13 04:19 AM Re: I don't deserve you guys [Re: Jwmcd2]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5972
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
Hey Jwmcd2,

We all have down turns in our recovery, some are still surviving when they come here. An attempt is an attempt to better our lot in life. It is a tremendous struggle. Everyone in here has yelled or ranted or treated someone else disrespectfully. It is what we were shown, what we learned at the hands of a really sick individual.

You are obviously on the recovery road fellow survivor, that apology was heartfelt and kind. We are on a roller coaster, sometimes we get a little sick and that is reflected in our activity here. So be it.

Keep sharing, posting, replying and chatting.

MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#425326 - 02/15/13 08:27 AM Re: I don't deserve you guys [Re: Jwmcd2]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3869
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Jwmcd2,
please don't be so hard on yourself. Nice that you have felt need for apology, but please be aware that you are good as you are and there is nothing wrong with you. It is normal not to be in the best mood sometimes and it is normal to say something that we later regret. We are humans and we do that all time long no matter how much we would like to be different and even pretend to be, lol.
I love what I read recently about haling and recovery, it was said something like: we are trying to accept ourselves in full and to learn how to be supportive to self not relying on others and finding strength to go trough some negative emotions/situations on our own.

I can only add that this your post goes in that direction and you deserve standing ovation for being so insightful and brave wink

My story

#425347 - 02/15/13 01:11 PM Re: I don't deserve you guys [Re: Jwmcd2]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Oh JWMCD2! Don't you get all weepy......we are all finding our way through this shit and what you express here are just growing pains. That being said, your apology shows real strength of character.......something only a real man can do. So you've graduated!

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#425422 - 02/16/13 01:18 AM Re: I don't deserve you guys [Re: Jwmcd2]
Alidade Offline

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 56
Loc: Houston, Texas
Thank you for the apology Jeff. I can tell it was heartfelt and sincere. You just need to work on the self-loathing now : )
I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
Bono (U2) - 1987

Do what you love and love will find you. - Me (21 June 09)

#425468 - 02/16/13 02:58 PM Re: I don't deserve you guys [Re: Jwmcd2]
Candu Offline

Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Jwmcd2. You have problems. I have problems. We all have problems. If we didn't we wouldn't be here. Take it easy on yourself. I know, easier said than done.

When you are under a lot of stress, like at work, it can build up and then it doesn't take a lot to get to an aggravated state.

Look into some stress relief techniques. I'm soon to start CSA therapy sessions but one of the prerequisites of the program is a six week group session that focuses on a few issues and one is stress, its effects on us, and techniques on how to deal with it. I found it useful.


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