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#425292 - 02/14/13 09:46 PM Don't want to be angry anymore
Tjonc Offline

Registered: 02/14/13
Posts: 1
Loc: FL
Hello there:

I am 34 year old guy that held "my family secret" inside for over 20 years. Last year everything came flooding back to me after a huge argument with my brother, whome I haven't seen or spoken to since 2004. All the memories and pain I had kept out of my mind returned as if it were happening all over again. I have so much anger about the events and how they were neve handled by my parents.

From 7th - 10th grade I was abused by own brother who was 4 years older. During this time, I had major stomach issues and pain that I was in the hospital on and off for oer a year. I was threatened not to say anything by my brother. The hospital asked amy times and they oted thee was abuse but I never gave up the name. My parents never asked what was going on. I still don't understand how they could be so blind.

My brother is now a detective with police department and has a wife and son. He is seen as the "Golden Boy" of the family. He is treated like a saint. After the breakthrough last year, my parent still treat him the same. They do not want to have anything happen to the family name. I am just so angry about this and the fact that they never helped me years back. I have developed mental issues and am on medications due to this. They still do not understand what this has done to me.

Now that my abuser is a detective I feel like I will never get justice and have no idea where to turn. I am angry and scared and am very thankful I found this group. Just typing this has helped.

Thank you for listening.

#425293 - 02/14/13 10:50 PM Re: Don't want to be angry anymore [Re: Tjonc]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070

Welcome to MS. Sorry that you're here, but glad you've found us.

My first thought is that you have every right to be angry.

Here's to another step on the journey of recovery.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#425301 - 02/15/13 12:47 AM Re: Don't want to be angry anymore [Re: Tjonc]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Welcome TJONC,

I'm sorry to hear that you were so badly abused as a boy. Now to have that compounded by your parents betrayal (by choosing silence over your welfare), has to be so painful. Your anger is valid. Your mental issues are understandable.

But now is YOUR time. Consider making some distance with the parents, and above all taking care of YOU. If you're not seeing a therapist, look into it. If you're seeing a therapist but not getting anywhere, try another one. And certainly take advantage of the resources here.

You are among men who come from all walks of life, all ages, gay, straight and everything between. Our common bond is that we all have been through boyhood sexual abuse, and all have had to live with the resulting trauma. You'll find stories similar to your own, and men with feelings and issues that you can identify with. As well as some ideas about what has worked for others in dealing with it all.

When I got here, someone said to me that abuse happens in secret, but healing happens out loud. It will get easier to talk about it, especially as you see that you are no longer alone. Get off your chest whatever you need to, as often as you need to. We're always here, and we've got your back.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan


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