Welcome to the MS forum. I've only been here since last fall, but everyone has gone out of their way to be helpful. Of course, I think I speak for everybody else that we are truly sorry for what brought you here. Take your time to process your thoughts and share as much or as little as you want.
Like you, I held on to my secret for a long, long time before I felt--no, I was compelled to get it off of my chest. I've come a long way, but still have a ways to go. That's true for most of us.
MS, my wife and my therapist (I finally sought one) are my tripartite attack against this thing.
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding