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#424958 - 02/11/13 01:05 PM New here
DavidJ Offline

Registered: 02/11/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Baltimore, Md. / York, Pa.
I'm not ready to post details yet, but I am getting the feeling that this is a safe place for male survivors of sexual abuse to be open.

I have studied male survivors for some time now, and it really is a more difficult subject that female survivors. Rarely does the abuser use force or violence, which makes things complicated.

This is especially true if you body reacted and you became aroused or more. "Did he put a gun to your head?" we may be asked. "No." "Did he threaten your family?" "No." "You must have enjoyed it. That wasn't abuse."

I struggled with all of this for many years, and in my early 30s -- which is a typical time I understand -- I came to realize that this was not something I was seeking. This was an adult taking advantage of the na´vetÚ and innocence of a minor.

At this point I will share that I was abused once as a child and then several times as a teen. Thank you for this site that I read about in today's paper.

#424965 - 02/11/13 02:30 PM Re: New here [Re: DavidJ]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5958
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Welcome David,

You were abused. The adult was the perpetrator and this feels like an actionable, legal issue if you which to pursue it. Male sexual abuse survivors do not trust easily, that's ok. Check out the posts, shares and replies of your fellow survivors and come to your own conclusions, we'll be here.

Nice to meet you,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#424967 - 02/11/13 02:39 PM Re: New here [Re: DavidJ]

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3478

Welcome but sorry you have to be here--but you are in good company. Take your time, feel safe and only share when ready. It is a journey--a few steps forward and sometimes one or two back. Your emotions will run across the board. Feel free to vent, we all have been there and I return regularly. Surround yourself with compassionate people. Remember what happened was not your fault and how you reacted to it through life was your way to cope, to survive. If you acted out, the source was the abuse and emotional triggers--it was your way to deal with the abuse. As you begin to heal you learn acting out did not bring you the relief and acceptance you needed.

Keep well, stay here and we all listen with a nonjudgmental ear.


#424978 - 02/11/13 03:52 PM Re: New here [Re: DavidJ]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: DavidJ
This is especially true if you body reacted and you became aroused or more. "Did he put a gun to your head?" we may be asked. "No." "Did he threaten your family?" "No." "You must have enjoyed it. That wasn't abuse."

Welcome David!

What you've written is so familiar to many of us. The question of "did I really want this to happen?" has plagued many of us. And you are right that overcoming that is a big step in starting the healing process. Read all you can here ion MS. Share what you feel comfortable with, and ask for help when you need it. We are all in the same leaky boat, but the shore is within sight! Hope to hear more from you.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#425104 - 02/12/13 06:35 PM Re: New here [Re: DavidJ]
strugglelife Offline

Registered: 02/12/13
Posts: 5
Loc: Ireland
Hi I am brand new here and just read your stuff - Really good for me to hear those thoughts as I have had them most of my life _ i was 11 -13 when it first happened for me by a much older man and yes i was excited! I now know that this was abuse and he cared nothing at all for me. I beleive that the struggles and acting out I live with now are as a result of that.(years of therapy he!he! ) Don't want to say more just now but want to wish u well and to say thanks for saying it out loud !! might give me some courage .


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