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#424538 - 02/07/13 12:04 AM trying again
A270465 Offline

Registered: 01/04/13
Posts: 49
Loc: SE Mich
I tried to post b4 but couldnt pull it together enough to do it.
My abuser was a woman and it is one of the hardest things to deal with in life (for instance) bc guys think that getting some at 10 or 11 is 'initiation' or the plight is romanticized like a french novel of infidelity.
When really it was a woman with insatiable desires and wants that I tried so hard to cater to.. to satisfy.. to lay down and TAKE...
to be coerced into years of such things while developing this sense of sexuality (which is 'incorrect'..)
It leaves me helpless sometimes, confused constantly, unsure of my own sexuality....
Looking back now she was most certainly puppeteered by her 'man' into such things as he 'showed up' sometimes for a bout of "fun" with me, her, and her daughter... all at once.

trying again...
Lets see if i get some negative responses now from members
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
Seeking help
And the days tick by all the same

#424550 - 02/07/13 03:01 AM Re: trying again [Re: A270465]
jay75 Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145

It seems horrible that men find a need to validate their abuse when it is perpetuated by a woman. I had struggled for a long time trying to reconcile with myself that I was abused by a woman. As you said the stigma that all boys want it is altogether false . My first time with a woman was at the age of 11 and it was nothing like a french novel. It took a long time for me to recognize this as abuse.

You have every right to be angry, hurt, and helpless it was abuse. But know this we are here for you.....

I'm sorry if someone has sent you negative responses through your threads... That is not typical in these forums.

Heal well .

"Those are not your sins" A wise man

#424551 - 02/07/13 03:10 AM Re: trying again [Re: A270465]
jay75 Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
Having been abused by both a man and a woman, I can identify with your sexual confusion. any child who is sexually abused at such a young age will have some type of sexual confusion growing up. you are definitely not alone! browse the forums and you will find countless threads on that very topic. I know for me they have help me to recognize that it's not only me and seems to be common among survivors of CSA.

"Those are not your sins" A wise man

#427542 - 03/09/13 05:50 AM Re: trying again [Re: A270465]
Gmone Offline

Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 23
Loc: NC
You are not alone. I, too, was molested/raped by a woman who was, as you suggested, coerced by her husband - not that justifies anything.

It was a long time before I came to realize that it was abuse - as you say, boys are supposed to want it. I didn't want it! It was an on-going thing that kept escalating, going further and further. I felt trapped, dirty, humiliated(I hadn't reached puberty yet. No one ever mentions that, hmm?)betrayed - it was my sister, confused - "isn't this what boys are supposed to want?"

Now, 40 years latter, I'm just a mess! That mess led me down roads I'd have never gone other wise and caused me to do things I have come to regret deeply!

My sexually is all over the place - Why am I attracted to women but want to have sex with men? Why do I spend HOURS looking at porn?

But, worst of all, why don't I feel like a man? I still feel like that little boy - embarrassed, ashamed, inadequate! Everyone sees me as a man, I'm expected to act/perform as a man, but inside I am still an adolescent.

And so, I hide from life. I never loosen up, I never take chances, I am afraid of everything! If something starts going my way, I sabotage it, or quit before fruition. Always day dreaming, I live in a fantasy world. A terrible way to live.

No, you're not alone. Gary
Working hard towards change. first positive, personal affirmation in 52 years!


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