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#424290 - 02/04/13 11:28 PM Covert Incest/Sexuality
hapati Offline

Registered: 04/06/09
Posts: 40

#424369 - 02/05/13 02:42 PM Re: Covert Incest/Sexuality [Re: hapati]
Casmir213 Offline

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 851
Loc: Northeast, USA

Your post describes my life. Thank you for the information and for the validation that such information gives me in my endeavor to break free from this pernicious form of incest. I might use this info in my next T session so that my T can understand just where I'm coming from in my struggles and how such problems can result from convert incest. Have you experienced this type of incest also?

Thanks much,

I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

#424373 - 02/05/13 03:35 PM Re: Covert Incest/Sexuality [Re: hapati]
Jacob S Offline

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 699
Loc: where the shadows lie
Anyone had this happen to them - with a parent - specifically mother ?

Yes. My mother was bi-polar, so when she wasn't yelling and berating me she was relying on me and confiding in me. Both sides made me feel pretty unimportant as a human and only valuable as an instrument of someone else, responsible for their happiness but selfish if I looked after my own.
Nothing there. It subsumed me. Black hole in time and space.

And yet.

It seemed like what I was made for.

to be used.

most natural thing in the world.

#434670 - 05/14/13 08:10 PM Re: Covert Incest/Sexuality [Re: hapati]
Akash Offline

Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 1
Loc: India

This is Akash from India. Nice to see some people with the same facets which I have been trying to put together so long. A long list of facets (that is how I prefer to call them): low self esteem, negative thoughts including suicide, fear to trust people, especially women, shame, guilt, a screwed up sex life, fear of committing violence (to self as well as my wife), an unknown fear of beautiful women, and a constant whisper behind my shoulder, "Did you not enjoy it"? are what turns every beautiful morning to every beautiful evening into a living nightmare. And I am 40 now. I wish I could find this group before I was 13. Or was it 12? Or even before?

You probably have guessed it, and many of you have lived it too. I was a single male child of a beautiful, and a mother with good artistic sense (a person who really inspired me through her writing skills), and a not-so-good-looking, somewhat practical minded very patriarchal father, busy with work and priorities of his own, and hardly present during my growing up days. Neither me found him when I needed him, nor she found him when she needed him. Difference was, she turned to me, for emotional support. And I did not know whom to turn to. We never crossed that "legal" line. But in our minds? I was perhaps 13. Or was I 12, or even younger?

I owe many things to my mom. My physical looks have gone her way. I still enjoy reading a poetry. I wish I could write like her. And I feel continuously ashamed of whatever I owe her.

I am going to a therapist tomorrow. Do not know what he would tell me. Do not know if I should continue to feel guilty. But I know I should tell this to someone at least. This is why I came here.
Isn't there anything called a healthy mother son relationship? Or Isn't there a father who can take you home?

Thanks for listening. And sorry for letting out some feelings. Take care, friends.


#434757 - 05/15/13 06:04 PM Re: Covert Incest/Sexuality [Re: hapati]
csasurvivor1992 Offline

Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
hapati... WOW! THANK YOU!!!!

so much clarity and definition around my relationship with my mother! the non-abuser, i've recently had realizations that she was present for all the red flags surrounding my abuse. i don't hold her accountable, but I do have questions for her.

now i read this and it makes sense. it's CRAZY, but it makes sense. I'll talk with my T about this during our session this week, but it makes sense!

sexual incest from my asshole father and emotional from my unaware mother?

HOLY SHIT, my parents are FUCKED UP!!!

wow... momma, you got some splainin' to do!
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.


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