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#422039 - 01/14/13 02:31 AM I'm new here.
tableforglasses Offline

Registered: 01/14/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Australia
Hey everyone.

I decided today to sign up here (although not sure if I'm in the right spot) to try and get some support or even pointed in the right direction.

Recently I think I had what I can describe as a re-emergence of what I think are memories of possible abuse at a young age. The memories themselves seem dream-like, but vivid and they are only brief, short memories (this is from about 20 years ago). Not sure what to make of them, and I have had these memories for a long time and thought about them before, however recently I have found myself pre-occupied with these "memories" and increasingly anxious as a result. I had dismissed them thinking I had dreamt them and maybe I have, but I'm really not sure.

I am really unsure as to what to do, I'm not sure if this is this common, but after years of having these "memories" and now finally feeling as though they are catching up with me, I feel the need to do something. So here I am.

Any advice or anything would be appreciated.


#422041 - 01/14/13 04:27 AM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
Hey tfg

Welcome- there are a ton of resources here to help you-

I would say that repressed memories were part of my experience For 35 years following my abuse- and that I struggled with addictions, sexual acting out, depression, and other things in the years before I started to walk thru the flashbacks and memories and began to make sense of my story.

For me, I had to trust that these memories were coming up for a reason - and they they were much more than ideas in my head- they were tied to some deep traumatic experiences I was unable to deal with at the time (I was nine).

I read a lot of books and articles.

I got into counseling.

I sought out support and shared my situation with trusted people.

I walked thru the process.

It was scary, disorienting, and I had to re evaluate the story of my life.

It has brought me closer to friends, my family, and other men-because I have needed them more than I ever thought.

The best guidance I ever got was to deal with this AS it affected my life today- I needed help to live a better life.

it wasnt helpful to wallow too deeply or contunually dig around for additional memories - thise memories showed up as i safely built a life that had been badly affected by the abuse I needed to process a lot of sadness and grief that had been buried AND learn new ways to take care of myself that weren't tied to old coping skills adapted to deal with the abuse.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#422065 - 01/14/13 11:22 AM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
JoziSA Offline

Registered: 05/05/12
Posts: 144
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa

You are in good company. Many of us had difficulty putting together the puzzle so we could face our demons, my journey only started when I was 40 and it took me 10 years to become a thriver.
Rees (JoziSA)
My Story and Blog

South African MALE SURVIVORS of Sexual Abuse
If your mind can perceive it and your heart can believe it, YOU can achieve it.

#422318 - 01/16/13 10:50 PM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Welcome tableforglasses. Read, post, chat, try everything. Maybe hearing about someone else's experience will help trigger your foggy memories. Good luck.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#422490 - 01/18/13 06:17 AM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
tableforglasses Offline

Registered: 01/14/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Australia
Thanks guys, things have been better the last few days, but I think it will help to be apart of a community of people who have had similar experiences.

#422502 - 01/18/13 09:46 AM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

Any other issues (only if you are comfortable answering)? I had never repressed the memories, but when I was pushed by life into dealing with the childhood stuff, I had rage, anxiety attacks, vivid flashbacks, irrational fears...drinking drugging and such too.

#422887 - 01/22/13 02:41 AM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
tableforglasses Offline

Registered: 01/14/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Australia
I suppose you could say I've dealt with some other issues, mainly in my teens. I dealt with depression (never formally diagnosed) due to some other issues that were happening at the time and issues with alcohol at a young age (blacking out, drinking until passing out etc).

Nowadays I drink socially and dabble in recreational drug use (I am in my twenties btw), but I am quite controlled with that kind of use. I have a professional job (ironically I'm a mental health worker), so I am conscious to not mess that up.

There's a bit there, however I have a supportive friendship group, family etc. But they obviously have no idea about any of this. I've had difficulties holding down a relationship longer than a few months also.

#423037 - 01/23/13 06:16 PM xxxxxxxxxxxx [Re: tableforglasses]
wearytraveler Offline

Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: Seattle

Edited by wearytraveler (01/13/15 11:59 PM)


#423266 - 01/26/13 10:26 AM Re: I'm new here. [Re: tableforglasses]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1055

Your story sounds similar to mine. I'm 36 now and started dealing with my issues in my mid 20s. I still don't have memories except for little bits and pieces, and most of those are from dreams.

I've done some talk therapy, which has helped me acknowledge the issues and give me a vocabulary for talking and thinking about it. Now, I'm about to start EMDR, which is supposed to help re-process things.

You're among brothers here.

Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.


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