Do CSA experts ever say "it wasn't abuse"?
YES. They do. There are in reality VERY VERY few "CSA Experts." And in reality, very few Ts are even "trauma-adept." Doesn't that seem FUBAR to you?
T's are as human as you and I...(or maybe you). MANY I have met and talked with, reveal their old ruins of a mental city that we all call "Myth Town." The trouble is, Myth Town may be in ruin, but they then tried to build their "new, educated T-self," upon the old ruins. Some of those new structures of belief, only come from text books and seminars.
I've been told:
"Still...this happens to everyone in one way or another."
"kids mess around"
"Kids explore and experiment and discover"
Total and complete bullshit! BULLSHIT I claim!!!! Bullshit!
If its SO darned normal, if its SO non-risky, SO accepted, why does the Alpha child ensure that the events will not be discovered?
Now, I understand that children do all that experimentation, and exploration and yada yada yada... BUT...if its truly in the natural sprit of acceptable and non-coercive, the parents or adults ought not be in shock or react as if it were "bad."
Your initial question: Do CSA experts ever say "it wasn't abuse,"
is in reality a question of culpability (IMO) or invalidation of your reactive life.
It was abuse if it could not be discovered. It was abuse if YOU never thought of doing it and seeking it when an older child is involved. It was abuse if YOU were satifying the wants of another child.