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#421536 - 01/08/13 09:29 PM Introducing Myself
MaxxCor Offline

Registered: 11/10/12
Posts: 1
Loc: Western Washington
Hello gentlemen, well at least I think you're all guys anyway.
My name is Marcus, I'm a 50 year old gay man. I was sexually abused by my father from age 5 to age 11. I'm in therapy and recovery and have been for 9 years now. The sexual abuse history came roaring back to my memory a few years ago. I've been struggling with it since then.
My therapist recommended this site so I'm checking it out. I know I need contact with someone else who has been through this and is a little further along the healing path to listen to and talk with.
I have confronted my father, about six months ago and the family all know about it. It's been a rough time but I know I'm doing what I think is best for me and my therapist supports it. I just hate feeling so alone with this.
I also have Dissociative Identity Disorder as a result of this abuse. (google it!)
My life is not a living hell any more thanks to the work I've done so far. But I know I have to dig in to this and start claiming parts of my life back that were taken by his abuse.
I want to cry but can't do so yet. Maybe soon!
Thanks for being here.

#421543 - 01/08/13 10:05 PM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
genedebs Offline

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 378
Loc: MO
Welcome Maxx

I've only been here since November, but I have found this a comfortable and safe place, Also, almost impossibly, I have even felt validated by some of our peers. I have been diagnosed with chronic major depression and DOESNOS (a form of CPTSD).

The only people who aren't males are friends and family and they have to announce themselves in common areas, and will leave if anyone is uncomfortable.

I am glad you are on your healing journey, I have been in therapy for about 20years, I have learned to accept that I cry and I am no longer expecting "if you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about." There are times I wish I could avoid crying now that I cry often, so it goes.

Hope you find this site as helpful as I have

#421695 - 01/10/13 01:53 AM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
finallyopen Offline

Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 69
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Welcome .. I to have only been here since November and it is a safe comfortable place to be.
Very sorry to hear of your diagnosis ..
Please join us and be content smile
My Story :

#421707 - 01/10/13 03:17 AM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
Chase Eric Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2957
The most wonderful thing about this place is that you are most certainly not alone. No two experiences are truly alike - there are so many different dynamics with every experience that you may find you share one specific thing with one person, and another with another person. The lasting shame and dysfunction, however, seem more universal, differing only by degree.

Welcome, Maxx.

#421708 - 01/10/13 03:27 AM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: Chase Eric]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
The most wonderful thing about this place is that you are most certainly not alone.

Add to that the wonderful fact that there is generally not any distance between the gay men and the straight guys. This is a place where we are all just men.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#421837 - 01/11/13 09:41 AM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Welcome. Welcome. And welcome

I hope this place gives you more fuel for healing and reclaiming your life- soundsike you have already done some heavy lifting In your recovery! Be gentle with yourself and learn how to truly take care of you - we abused males are complicated and often struggle with life- this is a safe place to share and seek support.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#433235 - 05/02/13 05:46 AM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: Jude]
JayBro Offline

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 325
Add to that the wonderful fact that there is generally not any distance between the gay men and the straight guys. This is a place where we are all just men.

Absolutely Jude!! For me that is very important!!
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

#433249 - 05/02/13 09:21 AM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
welcome smile

may your visits to this forum be as beneficial to you as they have been for me.



#433303 - 05/02/13 07:16 PM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 04:18 AM)

#433305 - 05/02/13 07:30 PM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
You're among friends Maxx. Our stories are often different, sometimes not. You'll likely find pieces of your own story, some of 'em BIG, among us.

I'll add to Mountainous Buck's note on being gentle with yourself. Though tempting, try not to absorb too much at once.

And, as a gay man, I'll reiterate what Jude said. I've only been on MS since July, but I'm continually surprised that my sexual orientation doesn't seem to be an issue. We're just guys...who have survived not just sexual assault, but assaults on our souls. From my 50-something perspective, though out for decades, that's huge.

#433602 - 05/05/13 12:10 PM Re: Introducing Myself [Re: MaxxCor]
Dolphinboy Offline

Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 62
Hi Marcus

Thank you for introducing yourself. Like your T has suggested, it is good to get into contact with other survivors and hear how they are healing or even struggling to start the healing. I have been on MS for over a year now and I am tremendously grateful for the insight and friendly words I have received here. Today I truly feel like a survivor and a man who has taken charge of his own destiny.
I am also an incest survivor and had a very difficult time about how to feel about my main abuser, my older brother. He had power over most of my life, but I have broken those shackles and am now living my life as a free man. It was a long and hard road to get to this point where I am experiencing an inner calm and have the confidence to look people in the eye when I talk to them, not fearing that they can see all the bad that I am trying to hide.
I hope that you will make friends here and find the peace that you so richly deserve.

When there are dolphins in the waves,
the sharks wont get to us.
I believed my dad that day
and became Dolphinboy,
my own protector.

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