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#421328 - 01/07/13 05:13 AM fffffffno title
Sterling Offline

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1873
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I wish i didnt feel bad about being gay i like to date women but i get smacked in my head.I know it is difficult to be human- i dont understand y a chol hurts; i cant read peopl's minds.
I was supposed to tell people i am gay. This was
in my head up until now. I was thinking of going on but Y? What if someone says
"it's okay to be gay". What if it isnt? What if
that is is why i want to kill myself? Who will be here
when i cant get to sleep? Will my dad take me home? ,finally? !
If yesterday cant change, what is any hope for tomorrow?
Who will i look for sex? M or Woman? Y? it alwayyyyys matters.
Especially to my dad and his clan. Shhh, it is our secret
you are my boy! This just came to me. I am not masculine..this is y i look at guys; especially if they have a nice butt or whatever...i am not good-looking , i was made a girl or
worse. I could never play with other children.
goodnight i only hope others will help kids so they dont
have to grow up a different personality or are so sensitive
to any words or their thoughts ,scared of becoming something
or someone they are not!
I love this place soooo much. I dont have anyone else to
talk to. I dont need any one else right now...i dont want
to look at anything else..i rather hate my dad and his clan.
I will leave this winnipeg..and i hope i never come back!

#421357 - 01/07/13 08:51 AM Re: fffffffno title [Re: Sterling]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3856
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Goran, hang on buddy.
Many of us have same sex attraction and confusion because of abuse.
You are not alone with this.
It is OK to be gay wink
It is OK also not to take some labels.
It is OK to also not share such intimate details with others. I don't want to discus such issue with my relatives at all, especially if I know that some of them could be toxic and not supportive to me.
But here I like to discus every possible problem that I have including problems with intimacy and confusion.
You have friends here, keep sharing with us, we are here to give support to each other.

My story

#421373 - 01/07/13 02:12 PM Re: fffffffno title [Re: Sterling]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA

It is so frustrating to be undecided. Talk it out here, every little detail, just type it out in posts, PM's pr chat. We hear you and respect your thoughts. We can support you until there is no more doubt in your mind.

I feel that statement about your dad and his clan and leaving your home area. I moved 900 miles away from my dad and within a year I was working on the sexual abuse recovery. Not having that shame over me was a tremendous relief. If you can safely and comfortably, I would suggest moving, although there are other problems with moving away from support whether they are positive or negative. Carefully weigh your options, talk it out and then make the choice that helps you.

I am rooting for you G!
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#421405 - 01/07/13 09:57 PM Re: fffffffno title [Re: SamV]
Sterling Offline

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1873
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
thanks guys, it really meant a lot. The only thing
that is really heavy is that i continue to assume
i will find money - to spend on ,well, anything
........when one thing is spent i will find a way
to buy something else. And my folks dont get it.
I have to grow - UP! And as long as they give me help,
it gets in the way,of becoming an adult.
A friend suggested i go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting-
b/c there is no Spenders Anonymous support groups here
in Wpg.
Anyway, patience is very difficult.
love ya


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