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#420782 - 01/03/13 10:43 AM Just a bad few months Ive had
Ohio Offline

Registered: 06/16/12
Posts: 48
Every day for me is a struggle. Not just Holiday's ,but everyday. Holidays just make it worse. I have a hard time excepting what happened to me.It's hard to explain. Everday gets worse and worse and let alone I can't work and SSI just accepted me.
It's the parts where I don't feel like a normal person is what hurts me the most. I'm socially backward, Can't communicate with my wife at all, The marriage is falling apart. It scares me to death to be thought of having these feelings I have by myself ,but Im so depressed and unhappy I can't show the right kind of love to my wife. It scares me to death to think that I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life.
I just have a hard time excepting what happened to me, but is also having sex with the perpetrator make you gay in anyway? These are the thoughts I have that Im so embarrased and mostly shamed about.

#420801 - 01/03/13 01:08 PM Re: Just a bad few months Ive had [Re: Ohio]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA

It is very good that these secrets you can speak are finding their way to this healing community. "We are as sick as our secrets" in that this illness will keep us from a good quality of life. Everyday IS difficult when a survivor has to face these questions, but how good is it that you can finally speak the pain and anguish that is in your heart!?!!

The chaotic, negative thoughts of rejection and abandonment are common in survivors Ohio. Please know that as you consider the fears behind the abuse, be determined to heal so that you can remember the joy of yourself in confidence and in your marriage. It IS difficult to believe the abuse happened, don't be discouraged.

"I just have a hard time excepting what happened to me, but is also having sex with the perpetrator make you gay in anyway? " First, you did not have sex, the abuse was done to you. You had no choice, you did not consent. You have the same responsibility if a bear were to maul you at your mailbox, would you be responsible? Heck no. Our bodies betray us however. Sexual manipulation in abuse does create certain arousal. The act of sex in abuse is stimulating. We can have feelings that are similar to the act of sex but these are not because we want them or are seeking them, but because the body reacts to that stimulation in exactly the same way. The abuse does not dictate who were are, what we want or need nor does it explain anything.

Abuse was done to you.

Keep recovering, even if recovering today means that you will stay in bed with the covers over your head. You are very worth it. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of, although most survivors feel that shame. Keep posting, keep considering, keep asking.

My best to you,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#421749 - 01/10/13 12:50 PM Re: Just a bad few months Ive had [Re: Ohio]
jay75 Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145

I welcome to MS, as with many I have found this site to be a valuable resource. You are not alone and will find everyone here can identify with some aspect of what you are going through. The emotions you feel are shared with all that are here and many are willing to work through it with you. Be strong my friend!

"Those are not your sins" A wise man


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