Steve - yes, i've had an urge - more like a compulsion - to figure out what happened to me and why the abusers did what they did.
Yes, me too. It's been a compulsion. My abuser's father was apparently a famous person. There are several books written about him.
Here's a quote from a book which expounds on what the abuser's father was like as a person. Imagine what it would be like to have a father like this:
(written by one of his underlings)..blank..blank.. is the biggest S.O.B. I have ever worked for. He is most demanding. He is most critical. He is always a driver, never a praiser. He is abrasive and sarcastic. .... He is extremely intelligent..... He is the most egotistical man I know.
And here is a description of the abuser (his son, my abuser) at an early age:
For... 5-yr-old ..... roamed...with a gang of small boys, slashing screens, throwing rocks through glass windows, and.....smashed some brand-new toilet bowls that had been left outside the building where...
After discussing the offenses they were tallied up; 3 belts for being rude to mama,.....the account was settled using a web (military) belt delivered on ...bare legs
So, in summary, the small boy was involved in a gang of boys who were destroying property, and he was frequently and viciously belted by his father even if he had committed only a minor infraction.