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#42 - 01/11/04 04:34 AM first time here
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Hello, I am not so sure what to say here right now. A friend suggest that I try to come here to talk of things I can not say about yet. Because of him, I also have some other friends here already, and that is good feeling. I do not know what I need to say. I am 18 years old, I am not of this country, and it is still that I learn English, so I have some difficulty with it. I was abused by more than one person for over 6 years. Now it is to deal with it. I was thinking I deal good with it, but now, I do not know, I do not think I deal at all. I am feeling scared lot, and feel myself dirty from what they do. I know that sometimes I do bad things, that make me feel I am back there again. I don't think I can say more now. Thank you to you who help me get to here.
Andrei


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#43 - 01/11/04 05:15 AM Re: first time here
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1984
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome Andrei,

I'm glad that you came here to begin to heal.

I hope you can find the security and helpfulness of this group of guys here at MS, that I have. These fellow survivors and their family and friends have provided much needed insight into myself of how the SA has affect my life. And, eventually the realization that it was not my fault and I am no way was it my fault.

Come visit the boards, read some posts and get some insight and comfort. When are comfortable and feel like asking a question or sharing some of fears or experiences, post with confidence that you are at the right place. There is no rush, this is your healing and your well-being at sake, so do what is necessary to take care of yourself.

PM me at anytime.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#44 - 01/11/04 06:27 AM Re: first time here
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Andrei... we are glad to have you here. I'm sorry about your abuse. Take your time getting to know us and participate.

Any support you need, let us know.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I don’t want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#45 - 01/11/04 08:05 AM Re: first time here
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Andrei, you are a courageous young man, and although I am obviously saddened by the reasons that brought you down this path, I am encouraged that you are so young and have found the strength to begin recovering from the abuse you suffered.
There are many, many wonderful gentlemen at Male Survivor forum. You will get some wonderful advise and support here, and maybe more importantly, a feeling of belonging to a brotherhood that collectively searches for answers and strategies to help us cope with day to day life. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#46 - 01/11/04 10:19 PM Re: first time here
Nathan LaChine Offline
Administrator

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5408
Loc: Washington State
. Andrei,

It was a joy to talk with you in the chatroom last night. You have truly made one of the first steps in your healing. This site can be one of the most powerful forces of change in your life. The men on this site have saved me from my self time in and time out. As far as not understanding English that well no worries man I don't understand it that well either. Your words echo with your true feelings.

With hard work and the support of good friends I am sure you can find ways of dealing with your abuse. It is still very fresh in your mind and body. You are now physically safe from him now you have to emotionally feel safe from him. You have new coach who cares about you on and off the ice. You have good friends on this site that can and will be there for you whenever we can. Looks like a great start on a new year and a new you Andrei.

lots of love, Nathan


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#47 - 01/11/04 10:25 PM Re: first time here
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Andrei,

I'm glad to see you here, but sad you had to go looking for us.
You have already met Bill, Sean, Andrew and Nathan, four of Male Survivor's best. As a matter of fact, we're rather proud of one another here for the encouragement and brotherly love offered to those of us needing some TLC.
I'm also impressed by your age. Some of us wished that we had started earlier, on our recovery. Or, that good therapy was available to us, earlier in our lives. I'm not lamenting any of that because I'm just so damn relieved that I found Male Survivor when I did.
Please make yourself at home and get to know us by reading our profiles and some of our past posts. Don't hesitate to ask any questions for which you are seeking answers. If one of us doesn't have a clue, there will be four or more others offering you their opinions and ways to get the most pertinent answer.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#48 - 01/11/04 11:36 PM Re: first time here
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Andrei - I can only repeat what the others have said. It takes a very brave 18 year old to start putting things right for themselves, especially when they have been abused for a third of their lives.

Take things at your own pace - you don't have to write your story here and now (if ever). Do take a look at some of the other postings. I am sure that you can gain strength from them.

Everyone here will support you in the best way that they can.

*There is nothing wrong with your English - I wish that I could speak another language the way that you do here.

Stay strong and best wishes.... Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#49 - 01/12/04 01:02 AM Re: first time here
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
Andrei,

I am glad you were able to come to this site. It has helped me a lot. I hope it will be helpful for you.

When you read what we write here, I hope you will see that you did nothing wrong. People who abused you were wrong. You trusted them, and they betrayed your trust. That was the evil they did.

I also hope that you see that we admire you. You have done a brave thing. When I was 18, I did not have the courage that you have. Now I am a geezer \:\) but there are some other young men here.

I wish nothing ever happened to make you need to come here. But you are here now. I hope that you will get the kind of help that I get here.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#50 - 01/12/04 06:08 PM Re: first time here
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Welcome here Andrei. I am very glad you decided to try this. I know that this site has been very good for me, there are very many good caring people here. Take your time, and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. You don't have to say or do anything that you don't want to. Take care of yourself, and keep yourself safe.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#51 - 01/12/04 07:59 PM Re: first time here
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
Hey Andrei,

I'm glad you could finally register here, it is a great site and a great help. And listen to Leosha, ust do what you are comfortable with, there is no pressure here. Take care of yourself, and good luck.

scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#52 - 01/13/04 01:13 AM Re: first time here
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Welcome Andrei, it is good to have you here. Coming here to MS will, oneday, be something you will describe as one of the best moves you ever made.

Here is a link to a paper to adolescents that has some really good points--the ice cold drink makes great sense to me--as does the entire article:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adolescent%20Survivors/Articles/bsnl.htm

Andrei, if you were to get hit by a car and thrown many feet in the air, there would be consequences to that tragic event. The exact same thing is true of SA. There are consquences to that, and there is absolutely nothing we can do to prevent the consequences. Fortunately, today, there is a lot that we can do them though.

We have to keep reminding ourselves that it is always the responsibility of the perpetrator for what happened. We are not dirty, or bad, or freaks, or whatever because we were victimized. What we are, and you are, is very courageous men who refuse to let the rest of our lives be ruined because of the behavior of violent men.

Talk with your trusted friends when you can. Read some of the papers on the site and be patient with yourself. You will find that you will be cared for, loved, accepted here, just as you are.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#53 - 01/14/04 01:28 AM Re: first time here
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Thank you to all who welcome me here. I can not stay online tonight, I think. I fear I will do not so good things if I do. But I wish to say thank you. I hope this place will be as good as people say. You all are very nice. Andrei


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