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#419890 - 12/23/12 07:25 AM Special Place in Hell
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
So many of us and others speak of some "special place in hell" for the soul-killers. Do they really have to die to find it? Do they enjoy their sexually oriented freakdom throughout their lives? It seems they do when you examine a Sandusky or a million other pedos.

But our hell seems to kick-off into high-gear from the start and continue till we die. It truly has happened here. Its why I'm still up at 2:00AM shaking in fear from a far-too vivid nightmare, soaked with sweat (luckily not piss this time). But it has been this way since back then. I can remember the tough visits to hell since I was 8...either in my sleep, or on this side.

Right now, I'm just sick and tired of it all. I know I'll never be normal...never really got a chance to be normal, not ever. But I'm trying to enjoy what time I have on earth without being pulled into the tar-pits of hell. I have two wonderful kids to watch and help grow (and the dawg too), but will the nightly tours of hell ever stop?

Will the daytime flashbacks, the tear-filled panic attacks, the deep dread and dispare ever let-up and allow me to breathe free air? seems WE go directly to hell and have to claw our way out. Maybe I HAVE in fact "clawed my way out." My hideous old lifestyle did not kill me. Childhood and teen promiscuity did not kill me.

I sure would like a day-pass from it all though.

#419917 - 12/23/12 02:55 PM Re: Special Place in Hell [Re: Still]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas

you know it can come to an end and enjoy peaceful days, and nights. i've told you how my dreaded nightmares ended for me. the same can happen for you.

i honestly believe that the reason you are having these nightmares/flashbacks is because that little boy in you is crying out for help....

i know i keep coming back to that same topic, but i believe that is the core of where are these issues stem from. you heal the core, and the branches that extend from the core will heal too...

take care of that little boy in you. don't turn away from him. get help for him, fight for that little boy in you!


after decades of hurt and pain, please give that little boy some peace he desperately is crying out for. like moose says in his tagline, lead that little guy out of the darkness and into the light.

Edited by Obi (12/23/12 03:31 PM)
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#419931 - 12/23/12 05:35 PM Re: Special Place in Hell [Re: Still]
Sailor John Offline

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Still,

Because you have acknowledged the abuse and come to this site, you are telling many others. Yes there is a time eventually when you realize that things are not, in fact, getting worse but are tiny bit by tiny bit getting better.

You didn't mention anything about having a therapist. If you don't have one, I would strongly reccomend that you get one. They will be able to help you acknowledge the abuse did occur and help you over the many rough spots that WILL occur on a long and bumpy road. Yes, there are detours on the road but they all lead back to the main road.
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.


#419979 - 12/24/12 04:03 AM * [Re: Still]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 05:30 PM)

#419989 - 12/24/12 05:14 AM Re: Special Place in Hell [Re: Still]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I'm sorry that your having these horrific nightmares, your a good man and you have 2 wonderful and properly raised kids to prove that. You don't deserve what is happening to you now and little Still didn't deserve what happened to him as a child. Its unfortunate that most perps don't suffer the way that the survivors do. Your right that you will never be normal but normal isn't important, happyness is. Happyness is attainable for you. Your kids and your dawg are just the start. Listen to Obi, he has been thru these nightmares and has come out the other end. Use this tool that MS gives to help accomplish this and NEVER EVER GIVE UP. Please NEVER GIVE UP, there are too many people here who care about you. I am certainly one of them.

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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