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#41932 - 05/20/01 01:06 PM a survivors poem
Mark C Offline

Registered: 03/21/01
Posts: 39
Loc: New Jersey, USA
This is basically my story. Just tried to put it into words that rhymed. Not sure it qualifies as "poetry". At first what I have written here may seem negative, it is what I actually thought and felt during my years of abuse and as I tried to recover. Some core beliefs needed "readjusting" but I did get through this painful mess (when often I thought that I wouldn't) and I know that YOU can too! ... "Healing is POSSIBLE"! You are courageous to even begin to walk this road...don't ever give up!


Long ago during adolescent days
all you did was heap on praise

It was the world I thought of you
and my family as well, who knew?

You were a priest, holy indeed
I was just a child very much in need

You explained this is love and it's okay
until you realized I was pulling away

Your obsession with me, it really grew
as you tried to isolate me from everyone I knew

You took me on trips and gave me nice things
all others were jealous of our ring

You often said without me you could not exist
I was so very afraid of this

Your temper, manipulation and absolute control
I felt I was dying, I was loosing my soul

When things were wrong you were very mad
yet in the end I was always "the bad"

Sad, angry and powerless I became
I wasn't even sure if I was still sane

Should life go on, how can I know what is true?
It was the grace of GOD which saw me through

It was time to move on so I moved out
now it was my younger brother you were about

How could I tell them? What would I say?
after all it was my fault, that's usually the way

No I couldn't tell them I will not speak
or others will know that I am a freak

It was years of silence I had to endure
lest it bring my family shame for sure

I convinced myself I am fine, everything is okay
until memories came roaring back one day

Emotions ran wild, depression was great
yet is was him…him I could not hate

I felt I was in the ocean sinking beneath each wave
what can I do, how will I be saved ?

Each night I lay awake soaked with sweat in my bed
buried memories running like a freight train through my head

Now I knew it was time to work this pain through
but who will I speak to, what shall I do?

I must tell my wife, Oh what will she think?
will this be it, is our marriage at the brink?

Years of anger, pain and confusion I endured
I felt like this many years before

Yet it was not for naught, this mental reeling
in truth it was my body healing

Yes like a shattered mirror I once felt
many splinters and pieces beyond hope for health

Healing is possible now I know it is true
with the help of others you can heal too!

For sure I am not alone, a boy robbed of my youth
it was not my fault and that is the truth

So now I say it is time to shed this shame
and to you " Padre M" I return the blame!

By Mark Crawford

#41933 - 05/21/01 03:52 AM Re: a survivors poem
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Great Poem!

I liked it very much!

Keep seeking others for help,

reach out and get the crud out

keep the good parts in!

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#41934 - 05/21/01 05:04 PM Re: a survivors poem
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California

awesome poem, i likes it.

my favorite line *it was not my fault and that is the truth*


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.


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