A parent can be defined as someone who is a guardian or protector. A father represents a man who exercises paternal care and should be setting a positive example for their children. Children should not feel unsafe or distrust these types of people. He told me how much I was loved and realized that this was not the proper way to show it. However, I was taught a lot of the wrongs things due to being sexually abused on more than one occasion. Having him use manipulation tactics to keep his secret safe caused me to have a lot of misconceptions about a lot of things. I felt I had to put up strong barriers and being unsure of who to truly trust in this world.
I was shrouded in darkness. For so long, it seemed that there was nowhere to escape but from reality. Thoughts of doubt, unhappiness, and insecurity began to overtake me in nearly every way possible. I felt so alone, even in a crowd of people. Living in fear, it made it difficult to make friends as I was often worried that they could potentially hurt me. It seemed as though there was no place to turn, as I would often give subtle hints to what happened. I noticed that there are times when people are often busy with their lives, and that they do not take a step back to notice the small things. I finally could not withstand holding what happened any longer. It was time, no matter what the possible or even unknown consequences may be, that I finally took a risk. Now, I am learning how to become a man in ways that my father never was. I also am beginning to tell my story of survival. This is my cathartic way to begin the process of healing.