what a difficult situation for you there
I'm sorry that so many things are happening there, but lets be positive, lets wish that abuse wasn't severe as could be and lets pray for victims and best possible outcome.
It is great that you reached your wife and safe hug, that is for A+ Mr.Teacher, lol
I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't resist temptations when you were alone at your home later.
Well it is too familiar feeling for me, I'm glad to see you are not too hard on self because of that. When I'm overwhelmed with such negative feelings like: despair, helplessness and something like "unavoidable catastrophe" many times I fall too to porn challenge. It is just too much to handle and I need some escape even for short and even it is not something that I need actually. I see it as some sort of compensation. I need it so my mind could be concentrated on something else and find some rest. And feeling afterward is terrible and doesn't help either.
I'm still looking how to overcome such situations, it is very difficult, especially when I'm sensitive (and it seems since I started therapy that I become oversensitive).
You know Lee when I've read this your post it looks to me that you are so calm and peaceful in your heart, like accepting whatever is happening without loosing self into it even it is so difficult and unbearable and no matter on whirlpool of feelings that you sucked in.
You become so strong, it is obvious how much you gained with your healing, I'm happy to know that and it is inspiring to us too.
Everything will be alright!