i'm glad you are with us - and processing all this stuff.
you have come to the right place - and are among those who understand - whatever you choose to say.
i hope you will keep at it - working through the unresolved issues. writing and reading here has really heplped me. it is a process - and we all support one another and learn from each other.
so - welcome!
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"