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#417655 - 11/29/12 06:27 PM Effects of Sexual Abuse
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
I've been thinking about discussing this topic at a general meeting for our local Men's Center: "Effects of Sexual Abuse"

What would you share as the top lasting effects of your abuse experience?

I'd say for me this includes:

1) addiction (alcohol/sex)
2) shut down emotions
3) lack of trust
4) body image issues/confused sexuality

I continue to heal and recover from these effects and more. I've found a lot of healing and support over the years, and feel like I have/we have only just begun making inroads into addressing this issue in the world.

Let me know your thoughts.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#417656 - 11/29/12 06:31 PM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3950
Loc: settling in the USA again
good start -
i say YES to all the above.
i would add -
damage to self-esteem - distinct from body image and sexual identity and orientation issues.
lee


Edited by traveler (11/29/12 06:31 PM)
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"the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues it can begin to feel commonplace and eventually acceptable."
- Alan Cumming, "Not My Father's Son"

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#417658 - 11/29/12 06:48 PM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Chase Eric Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 2333
Number one on my list is the confusion of sexual identity which in turn leads to a refusal to accept oneself and ultimately shame and isolation. It all starts with the lost sense of that most intimate of personal identities.
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#417671 - 11/29/12 08:09 PM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1566
Loc: California
Self loathing.
"Anger at life"
"Anger at the universe"
"Angry for being born"
"Feeling like a victim for simply being born"

I've had all of these.

I don't know why all that is in quotes. Oh well.


Edited by Magellan (11/29/12 08:31 PM)

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#417679 - 11/29/12 09:18 PM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Suwanee Offline

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Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1107
Loc: SE USA
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"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

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#417704 - 11/30/12 12:43 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
I can repeat some of the answers, and add a few...

Anger/self loathing - yup, me too.
Period of sexual confusion - yup, me too. (fortunately not nearly as bad as what some of the other guys here are struggling with)
Addiction - yes.
Fear of intimacy
Inability to trust
Need to always be in control
Depression (multiple suicide attempts)
Guilt, shame, feeling like I don't deserve to be happy.
Self-injury

And of course, my official diagnosis - PTSD, BPD, Depersonalisation disorder, Major depression.
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I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

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#417715 - 11/30/12 02:46 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
You guys have covered it all. Sign me up for the next train to the funny farm.
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Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
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#417722 - 11/30/12 04:54 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi There MB

Nice to see you back you've been away for a while.
I am glad that you are still in the process, and wish you God Speed in your healing.

I would like to add
"Rage"
"Homophobia"
"Suicidal"

Martin
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#417724 - 11/30/12 06:26 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2398
Loc: durham, north england
Hi buck.

Interesting question, I'll add some of mine.
A sense of worthlessness and hyper self cryticism that affects anything I do.
Recurrent bouts of depression even when there is little or no reason.
A struggle with becoming addicted to isolation.
Discomfort with any sort of physical contact.
Genophobia so profound it makes any sort of relationship an impossibility..

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#417779 - 11/30/12 03:42 PM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 437
Loc: west coast
Great thread MB

The inability to be me. Trust or accept who I was or even know who I was. The running away from my true self as I am in the present.

All the other stuff the you have all described followed as the result of the trying to bury any real feelings.

hugz grant
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The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#417833 - 12/01/12 05:50 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
Great responses and sharing, men!

"Trying to bury feelings" as a background for all these effects- that's pretty profound, grant.

So what would you recommend to other survivors as solutions to all of these effects?
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#417847 - 12/01/12 08:23 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
KMCINVA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 3024
Great question because many similar feelings but some different effects

1. Guilt and shame
2. Self loathing
3. Distrust
4. Fear of self and others becoming too close
5. Fear of how others will see me as "damaged goods"
6. Dissociation and fugue--my unfortunate coping mechanisms
7. Disjointed parts of me, not being whole. Repulsed by perp and his actions while another part still seeks his love and to feel special. Confusion as to who I am
8. Buried memories and emotions, difficult to accept and not to allow them and him, the perp, to control me and my emotions.
9 All not allowing me to be me, he robbed my wholeness

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#417851 - 12/01/12 09:03 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: KMCINVA]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 927
I've had various problems and show some symptoms / behaviors that match "typical" CSA, but that also hypothetically could just be "me." I choose not to rewrite my life backwards around this - so here is the one thing that I KNOW was caused by it:

Standard position of keeping a secret, from everybody, forever, has made me a less honest person. I am completely comfortable, thoughtless even, about routinely lying to people. Not even about anything important, not even a lie that makes a difference. Sometimes just giving the wrong answer on something that doesn't matter, to know that I could. I keep all kinds of things secret and until therapy had never told anyone or even written them down. Sometimes I even make up little lies that I know will be found out and make me look bad - so people will think I am not a good liar - and then I can get away with the big ones, beyond suspicion.
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#417856 - 12/01/12 10:16 AM Re: Effects of Sexual Abuse [Re: Mountainous Buck]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2398
Loc: durham, north england
Well buck, that's not an easy question.

I think for me, a lot of coming to terms with the affects of recovery involved simply recognizing that I cannot change these affects, but I can change how I react to them and what significance the have to me. I cannot change my own feelings of worthlessness, too many attempts have failed for me to believe that is possible, but in understanding that this belief is an incorrect one, i can stop paying attention to such opinions.

I can't change my genophobia, again, attempts to cope with it just cause intense pain. So, I'll have to live with it and this means living without intimate relationships and accepting that my first, ---- and probably only s/xual experience was that of abuse.

I do not always manage this acceptance, but it's something I'm learning to live with more each day

Above all the main thing I've learnt is persistance, which I'd still regard as the single most important part of recovery at least for me.

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