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#356311 - 03/12/11 06:14 PM Re: waiting [Re: Anthony39]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I think just being aware of it and speaking about it the way you are here....will have powerful rippling effects in your life....


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#356319 - 03/12/11 08:14 PM Re: waiting [Re: Anthony39]
jevin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 46
Loc: somewhere on the Red Road
Anthony ...

Huge insight. A major step toward empowerment and reclaiming yourself. Congrats.

When I realized that there never was and never would be a rescue it brought a lot of tears, and a lot of fears. I remember crying for a long, long time as I was fixated onto this image of my abused boy in torment, waiting, waiting, waiting. I also came to see, and had to grieve, that I had brought that little one into all of my intimate relationships and that this put incredible pressure on my significant others to do the impossible. All of this was unconscious, and the main dynamic in how I arrived at a very isolated place in my life at that time.

It was so freeing to finally understand that all those years I had been waiting I was also only surviving. When I stopped waiting I had to learn to live. That was scary, because I didn't know how to do anything but survive. But, like with anything else worth learning, it was all about baby steps. I started to do little things for myself, loving things, nurturing things. One thing built on another, and another, until I really did begin to feel more alive. The more lovingly I treated myself the less victimized I felt, and consequently, the old belief that I needed rescuing steadily lost its power to keep me in survival mode.

Achieving these insights is like having landmarks suddenly appear in this huge amorphous space of recovery. We begin to see where we are, we get our bearings, they point us to the next piece of work we have to do. Then the next one, and the next. This one that you just had is major. I'm really happy for you, man.

- Jev

_________________________
"Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event."
- Carl Jung

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#356375 - 03/13/11 06:48 AM Re: waiting [Re: jevin]
itrahan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Louisiana, Gulf Coast
Guys....this idea of "waiting & wanting to be rescued" has resignated deep within my soul,I tossed & turned all night with insight after insight, like a veil was lifted....I had attempted to respond last night but all my thoughts and emotions were coming out jumbled...while trying to edit my post I lost it by typing wrong key....I couldn't keep my mind still to re-type! This is HUGE for me, WHAT a REVELATION...my heart felt gratitude & appreciation for all the efforts & emotion for you to achieve this milestone and the courage to post. MANY THANKS....IVAN


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#356376 - 03/13/11 08:31 AM Re: waiting [Re: itrahan]
itrahan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Louisiana, Gulf Coast
I had previousily thought of someone "wanting to be rescued" as someone needy, clinging to other peolple for life support, a negative conotation. Now I see it as simply someone void of purpose simply remaininig in the background waiting for someone or something to stir them & give them purpose. I have attended Sequoia 2010 & WOR 2011 and on both accounts had great weekends mainly feeling connected due all the saddness & loss I carry. I was able to relate to all the exercises & purposes, I was even complimented on having pretty keen insight during group sessions. I had gathered all the right information and put myself in the right places, accepted I was a victim and emotionally damaged, and it was awkward to be able to relate & actually shed some light on other folks situation which seemed obvious to me....but now I realize that was simply dutiful actions to try to feel better. The reality I failed to internalize is that all my activity was simply a shield to diguise that notion of "wanting to be rescued". So much going on in my mind, processing in a whole new perspective.


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#356476 - 03/13/11 10:36 PM Re: waiting [Re: jevin]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
Hey all,

Thanks for sharing this Anthony, I resonant with the pain and loneliness of waiting for someone to step in and show care for you.

Tomorrow I'm doing a T session with a woman who worked MIRACLES for me a while back, and I fear going back to that well of grief and sorrow.

The posts here inspire me to take charge of my recovery and deliver that little boy to a healing place where he will grieve and sob and process those dark times that are ready to be released.

And I will be waiting for him when he is done-he won't have to wait for me ever again.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#417273 - 11/26/12 07:36 AM Re: waiting [Re: Anthony39]
blacken Offline

Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1704
Loc: Northern Ohio
it sure would have been nice for someone to have noticed me as a kid.
To be scooped up & rescuded from that Hell that I wasn't even completely aware I was in.
The signs were there, like writing on a wall. no one was interested in reading it.
Let's see, he can't focus on his work, daydreams, sleeps in class, but he's got 2 parents. Hmmm, he must have a "learning disability", we'll "hold him back a grade & get him a tutor" that will fix everything.
I recall something new. I almost told that tutor. I was in the third grade. I wanted her to rescue me. it was so hard. adults are suppose to know, everthing. it must mean she doesnt care cause its not an issue. (not the words I thought, but how it felt to me) So just not say anything.

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#417280 - 11/26/12 09:13 AM Re: waiting [Re: Anthony39]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1627
Loc: Minnesota
That hurts.

So will YOU take care of that kid today? I bet he is still around. Mine is and he gets sick of being ignored because I am too busy, too serious , too worried to take notice.

So today I will be good to myself.

You too, ok?


Edited by Mountainous Buck (11/26/12 10:57 AM)
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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