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#416039 - 11/12/12 03:52 PM Partner of a survivor
Anibal22 Offline

Registered: 11/08/12
Posts: 2
Loc: Provincetown MA
In the last week the relationship I have with my partner finally makes sense . I knew he was incested but he told me he had worked it out years ago he's 53. All the issues we've been fighting over ,getting couples counseling didn't help. I felt more invisible and in the way as time went on . I'm feeling so much empathy for my partner , the dysfunctional ways he copes and how they affect me personally . I've been searching for books,web sites anything that can help me understand better and how to proceed from here. I live in Cape Cod so anything available from here to Boston I'm open to. He's going about his daily ways and I'm suffering from the anger that someone stole my loves ability to enjoy his life.

#416072 - 11/13/12 02:30 AM Re: Partner of a survivor [Re: Anibal22]
RunningOnEmpty Offline

Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 91
Loc: georgia

Edited by RunningOnEmpty (01/02/13 12:41 AM)

#416560 - 11/18/12 06:28 PM Re: Partner of a survivor [Re: Anibal22]
myworld Offline

Registered: 11/18/12
Posts: 1
I have been dating this guy for almost six months we've become very close in that time. Last week he told me that he was molested as a child I was stuck didn't know what to say the only thing I did was held him in my arms & told him that I love him. He has a problem when it comes to making love & I tell him it's o.k. and he gets frustrated with me. How can I help him deal with being molested?

#416600 - 11/19/12 04:53 AM Re: Partner of a survivor [Re: Anibal22]
RunningOnEmpty Offline

Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 91
Loc: georgia
Myworld you did so well in your response to him telling you about his CSA! We aren't prepared for this. Keep being supportive without compromising you. Taking care of you is helping him and listening when he needs a listener is good too.

#416617 - 11/19/12 09:22 AM Re: Partner of a survivor [Re: Anibal22]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Myworld

I know that you mean well but you cant tell him that it is OK, its not, and he knows this.
So what to do. Tell him that you love him no matter what, and that you will help him in any way possible. If he gives you permission to help him, then you can tell him that you have done research into CSA and found a great website and that you have found a therapist that specializes in CSA, (from how to shop for a therapist) on the home page.
He has been very brave in telling you this and seems to trust you a lot, so love him, never lie and learn as much as you can about CSA.

Hang in there and dont be afraid to ask the hard questions on this site, there are amazing ladies here with great wisdom. And never forget to look after yourself first and foremost.

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog


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