Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
Healing from these horrors is going to be the wildest roller coaster of your life. Though the lows may be very low, and the highs may not seem to be high enough or last long enough, things will eventually become more stable. The lows won't seem to be so low or last as long as they may be doing now, and the good days will come more frequently and last longer than you may be able to imagine.
You will get through this, though there may be times you question whether or not you will.
If you feel therapy is an option, there are resources available. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping
. Psychology Today
has listings of therapists for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.
Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.
At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.
We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles.
They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.
Again, welcome to MS.