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#416021 - 11/12/12 07:21 AM An apology
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

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#416061 - 11/12/12 06:20 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3956
Loc: settling in the USA again
Will - i sure get what you are saying here:

*** The experience of simultaneous fear, loathing, anger, and pleasure sent me into a period of confusion that took a couple of years to detangle.***

i would LOVE to hear more of that part of your story - if you are OK with sharing it - if not publicly, then by PM. that is where i am right now - the confusion part.

lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#416120 - 11/13/12 11:59 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

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#416184 - 11/13/12 09:00 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Will

Thanks for sharing. Rather than just lurking around this post I thought I should say that I'm here too (confused). I see myself as straight with SSA .... most of the time. Thanks for asking the question Lee.

I feel a bit sad that I still haven't worked this out and I'm nearly 36. I guess I didn't get all those positive experiences in my teens.

Will - do you still feel a hint of confusion or is it dead and buried?
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#416190 - 11/13/12 09:34 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

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#416196 - 11/13/12 10:18 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 324
HUGS

It sure does make sense

Thank you for sharing your story.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#416308 - 11/15/12 07:22 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

Top
#416374 - 11/15/12 07:58 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 191
Loc: Puget Sound
Suwanee, Ansley Park, wow in the early 80s I used to live on the other side of the park on Greenwood Ave in Virginia Highlands; small world; but it was a very different time. I have always struggled mightily with this issue, even had a real boyfriend; your opening statement is so true If anything, male CSA demonstrates that sexuality is much more complicated than that. Im still not resolved about this, I walk down the street and have really never ogled the guys or the girls specifically; just anyone that attracted me, which in an average day might mean no one. But if I see that spark or twinkle even if just for a second from someone I find appealing its a real turn-on. So for me right now I look at it like I could love anyone as long as it was reciprocated without regard to sex, and Im fine with that right now and think I always have been.
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#416382 - 11/15/12 09:02 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

Top
#416476 - 11/17/12 02:58 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3956
Loc: settling in the USA again
Thanks, Will!

that was far more than i expected or hoped for.
i appreciate you taking the time and effort to respond with such depth and candor.
it was really helpful.
i'm still processing...

Lee
_________________________
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

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#416497 - 11/17/12 10:52 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline

Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1111
Loc: SE USA
.
_________________________
"His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them....Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart…”. -----William Golding

Top
#416500 - 11/17/12 01:55 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Will,

Thank you for sharing more of your story above, it is of course both unique and common at the same time to many of us. As I was reading it, I was struck by the concept of how we all so struggled with compartmentalizing the abuse away from our "normal" lives we were living while the abuse was occurring. The "this is this" and "that is that" way of dealing with it. Your story made me think back on that time again with misty eyes, and remember what a struggle it was.

Also, I just wanted to comment on what an excellent writer you are, which I hope you already know and realize about yourself. You have a great gift for stringing the words together. smile
_________________________
Eddie

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