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#414689 - 10/30/12 02:21 AM Hi
sten Offline

Registered: 10/26/12
Posts: 2
Loc: WI
I'm 41 and a survivor of abuse from the Boy Scouts. I was abused by another scout a couple years older that myself, over the course of a year. After I was abused at a scout retreat I complained to the scout master (who was the kids father) and my dad that he had been "touching" me. I mean what the hell else was I going to say @12. I was embarrassed, but I wanted it to stop.

Neither my father or the Scout master (surprise) did anything. My dad supposedly never even told my mother.

I started abusing my own sister after that...a fact will shame me until I die. I finally stopped the abuse after a year or so and repressed everything until I was an adult. I was abused by another adult male when I was 20. I was powerless...even though I was bigger and stronger than he.

I got married to a wonderful woman whom I love with all my heart. When I get angry sometimes I push her around. I have been in therapy and am trying to better control my anger. The The therapy helped me professionally but I still need to work on my behavior toward my wife. We don't have any children because I was afraid I would abuse them. She has always wanted them...

I reminded my parents about the abuse a couple of weeks ago. My father acted like he didn't even know. My mother like it was the first time she had heard the story (my wife told her about it 8 years back when my mom sent me newspaper clippings of the Boston diocese abuse because I was an altar boy).

I am extremely bitter with my parents because I feel betrayed and that they just don't care. My sister has graciously forgiven me because of my previous abuse. I still don't like to talk to her because I feel guilty.

I feel like a large part of my life is missing. I get depressed for no reason. I am feeling lost in my middle age, an age when I should be reaching my potential. I am tired at a time when I am at risk of losing the woman I love...and perhaps my own sanity.

I am glad I finally wrote this...
If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words - Goethe

#414690 - 10/30/12 02:29 AM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
LucyNolan Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Town Centre, Leven KY8 4LD
(Spam removed.)

Edited by ModTeam (10/30/12 02:42 AM)
Edit Reason: Spammer.

#414693 - 10/30/12 02:32 AM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4285
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Welcome, sten!

you have begun a process of healing with this posting of your story. here's hoping that this will be a positive process for you.

there are quite a number of us here who were abused in scouts. like you, mine was at the hands of older boys, not adult leaders. though the details are different, many of the results are similar.

and like your experience, many of our parents refused to notice or believe us or take what happened seriously. that hurts and leaves lasting wounds.

you will find a lot of understanding and support here. participate as fully as you can. my involvement in the dialog here has been one of the biggest factors in the progress i have made.

there is hope - for you, for your relationship, for your future.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#414694 - 10/30/12 02:34 AM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
Hi, Sten.

We're here for you, and welcome. Your parents' denial is quite common to many of us here, including me.

We are here for each other because we are all we have; and now we have you, and you have us.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#414796 - 10/31/12 12:43 AM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Ohio
Welcome Sten. Thanks for your introduction.

#415036 - 11/02/12 03:42 AM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
webelos Offline

Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 12
Loc: in mountains both in my mind a...
Hi Sten,

I am new and here because of the recent release of the Scout files. It was a big trigger for me. My story is a lot like yours, I probably could have written the same thing. Thanks because I don't feel so alone.
transition from cub scouts to boy scouts wasn't easy. It was hard to go from the safety of den mothers to the world of men and older boys.

#415155 - 11/03/12 02:45 AM Re: Hi [Re: webelos]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

There are lots of us here at Male Survivor. The good news is that you can free yourself from the cobwebs of emotions from the past with appropriate counseling. I hope you can go forward with this.

When I became a cub scout, I was a webelos. My sister used it to tease me. She asked: "What is a webelos? a worm?" Definitely not. It's a good name.


#415660 - 11/08/12 10:05 AM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
Rich Sy Offline

Registered: 11/05/12
Posts: 1
Hello. Can I send you a pm? I want to ask you something. Thanks.

#415716 - 11/08/12 11:21 PM Re: Hi [Re: sten]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2241
Hi Sten,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

I am sorry that your parents have denied your experiences and chose to turn the other way rather than deal with the trauma you were experiencing. Being abandoned in that regard is like being abused all over again. They sent a lot of hurtful messages to you. They chose to do what was confortable for them (ignore the abuse) rather than what was in your best interest.

You may have difficulty speaking to your sister, but she sounds like someone who would be receptive to hearing the things you want and need to say. In time you may find that you are able to face her and develop a healthy sibling relationship.

There are several books you might find useful.

Scout's Honor: Sexual Abuse in America's Most Trusted Institution. Due to the price of this book you may want to borrow it from your local library.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victim's of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.


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