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#415091 - 11/02/12 06:01 PM Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal
antonimm1979 Offline

Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Spain

Hi guys,

As I have written in my introduction, I am a 32 years old Spanish guy. I work as I psychologist in a self development center and I am a therapist myself.

I want to share my experience with you, cause I am a survivor too. I have been the only son of a middle upper class couple and I have suffered sexual abuse from my mother when I was around 12. My dad, specially in his last years, have had serious problems with alcohol. That is, my family has been disfunctional, but I have only clearly recognised this recently.

Even if I have always known what happened to me, I have experiencied a well-known word here, dissociation. It wasnt until I have been 26 that I have talked for the first time of all about this with a female therapist, the year I lived in France. In 2011 I began a complete psychotherapy with a male therapist specialized in sexual abuse.

This has been a really intense year for me. I work hard in my daily routine, I have began to exercise seriously... and I have confronted my mother (I think this is the right word, confront). Why all of this changes? Two big events: my dad passed away in january due to alcohol and depression and my girlfriend left me before summer. I also moved from one flat to another. Too many changes that made me do this hard action, to confront my mom, via my therapist.

It was this break up with my girlfriend that gave me the energy to do what I thought it was the right thing, not to hide anything any more. I have told my story to some of my friends, and also I did that to my exgirfriend, B.

Even if I know that I am a resilient person, and I am proud of myself, now I really feel sad. Very sad. I have the disgusting feeling that I have no family at all... and I really miss B. I have no big problem to meet new girls, but for the moment that doesnt fulfill me.

My mother is going to my therapist now, and I dont talk to her. We have decided to tell her that if one day she wants that I approach her again she should follow a therapy herself. Now I wonder whcih my nexts steps should be...

Thank you , thank you for reading my story.

#415368 - 11/05/12 09:41 AM Re: Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal [Re: antonimm1979]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3863
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey antonimm1979,
you were very brave to write your story. I'm sorry to hear about abuse by your mother, that must be terrible experience frown
You have had a lot of stress in last year, I hope you've found your inner peace and way to mange it.
You have my hat off because you confronted your mother, that must be very difficult task. I hope she will become aware what she did to you and how wrong her action is. It is good that you have set safe distance to her.
Please share with us further, I hope to see you around.
Be well!

My story

#415613 - 11/07/12 09:58 PM Re: Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal [Re: antonimm1979]
antonimm1979 Offline

Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Spain
I really acknowledge your words peroperic. Yes, one of the important moments on my therapy was to accept that happened to me from my mother. It is really difficult to understand cause she has never be a violent person, on the other hand we can say she has been an intellectual.

This, an the fact that my family has been a disfunctional one (like many others here). I think that the objective is to keep on going with life, even if the family experience has been a difficult one.

I will keep on telling here how the process goes on, for sure.

#415658 - 11/08/12 09:45 AM Re: Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal [Re: antonimm1979]
learning2remember Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 406
Loc: Europe
This is my third attempt at posting--tech problems today. Congratulations on taking working on your healing, antonimm 1979.

I was also abused by my mother. It might have started around 12, but didn't end then.

I am also working in a caring profession. As a protestant minister, I am not a therapist, but I think there is some similarity in some of the things we do.

For me the most important step in healing was believing myself. For a long time I couldn't. I was seeing if my brothers or fathers or anyone would remember something the way I did, and that would confirm everything. They had different responses, but none of them affirmed what I remembered.

Now I know they were wrong. Either they didn't see, or they don't remember. It doesn't matter, I believe myself.

Yes, it happened. No, I am not crazy.

Believing myself was a step to healing, and also a sign that much healing has taken place.

I wish you well. You are not alone.
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

#416723 - 11/20/12 10:16 PM Re: Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal [Re: learning2remember]
antonimm1979 Offline

Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Spain
Thank you for answering learningtoremember. I think there is a big connection between having experienced abuse and that we have choseen a profession that deals with helping other people.

Now, it is around one month that I came int this forum and wrote my story. In this time I exchanged a phone call and an email with my mother. It seems that she has began going to a therapist and she told me she wants to beg me for pardon.

It is a great step in all of this, I appreciate that move from her side, but in fact... I dont need that she begs me. Maybe it will be positive for me that she recognise her fault, we will see guys. I will tell you soon how it worked.

#420877 - 01/04/13 12:10 AM Re: Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal [Re: antonimm1979]
hapati Offline

Registered: 04/06/09
Posts: 40

#423430 - 01/28/13 08:35 AM Re: Mother son incest: finding my new steps to heal [Re: antonimm1979]
confusion4life Offline

Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
post removed...

Edited by TJ jeff (01/28/13 06:22 PM)
Edit Reason: Females are not allowed to post in this Forum
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end


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