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#415058 - 11/02/12 12:22 PM Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
For once, there's something on my mind and I actually don't know where to go with it, if anywhere...and it doesn't matter for me personally, I don't think.

I joined MS several months ago because the whole Sandusky trial, the victims' stories and the PSU/Freeh report really triggered me...after 40 years! A lot of you were then with me as I really threw myself into that part of my recovery over the summer: meticulously uncovering the specifics of my past, the perp, what happened when, who else was involved and where they are now, battles with the school and church, searching out a responsive/responsible T I could afford, searching out an empathetic/responsive attorney, educating myself on SOL in the state where it happened. Along the way I encountered the whole spectrum of reactions (some from people who should know better): indifference, empty words, arrogance (revictimizing a victim)...and true empathy, unconditional support, and outright heroes (such as my T who will accompany me to any out-of-state trial...his idea, not mine). And my new buddies here...I don't have words.

Now that I list it, no wonder I was exhausted. And, given the HIV, no wonder it sparked another case of shingles for which, going by previous experience, I've about another month of recovery pain left despite the lesions healing. But I'm pretty damn functional.

Until the time of any trial, however, the major stuff is off my plate and no longer all-consuming 24/7. I've actually started to enjoy my life again, in some areas thrive. Hell, I just blew a couple hundred on Macy's Columbus Day sales...something I never do. But it felt like a reward to myself...I get to wear...daily.

What's on my mind here is I've noticed so many new guys coming on MS as a result of the BSA lists (BSA abuse wasn't part of my CSA). It feels like yet another tsunami swell coming ashore...most appropriate comparison I can make. I don't know why I've noticed this in particular nor why this latest swell is grabbing my attention. My only feeling is, well, the more the merrier, so to speak. Thots?

#415059 - 11/02/12 12:32 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas
it's happened before too.

when the oprah shows came on there was a swell of new members that came in as well...

I always get mixed reactions. part of me is sad that there are so many of us that have gone through abuse, but i'm also glad that they've found ms as it shows, to me, that they are looking for help and not giving up. that there's hope there.

the one word of advice I have for new members here that are just starting their recoveries is to take their issues one at a time, one step at a time. don't fall into the trap that I did. the temptation is there. with all the knowledge and helpful advice that is on here to help us with a lot of issues, it's very difficult not to want to work on a lot of our issues at once and be done with them... well, I've learned, by falling into that trap, that it's very easy to become overloaded and end up having a meltdown. that's what happened to me and I learned to take it one issue at a time, one step at a time...
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#415073 - 11/02/12 03:05 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
While my heart aches for myself and others who have suffered life long damage from CSA, there is a growing part in me that is immensely grateful to be alive in this day and age when the internet connects all of us together and promotes insight, healing, and connectedness.

How did sufferers in previous generations get help? Even 30 years ago, not much was known about CSA impact on adult men.

Even as we suffer through the horrors of our traumas, we can be grateful that we live TODAY (and not 100 years ago).

And I'm grateful for many of you and the positive influences you've had on my life.

You matter, because you matter to me.


#415075 - 11/02/12 03:31 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Lancer, Obi, Magellan,

Keen awareness and good assessments, all perfectly stated. Reading your comments brought to mind what I get out of this site's community and what I want to bring to it;

"I want to help, because you are me, and in doing so, I heal myself."

#415084 - 11/02/12 04:44 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
I keep an eye on the registered members counter. It stalled at 10,490-ish for a long time, then 60 new members really fast.

I welcome my brothers with no reservations. Never feel bad that new guys have come to heal. One new MS member does not mean one new victim; it means one new survivor.

We're in this together, and we are strengthened by our new members, just as they are strengthened in their recovery with the experience we can provide them.

(((((new members))))))

(((((old members)))))))

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#415086 - 11/02/12 05:01 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
Suwanee Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1279

Edited by Suwanee (02/19/16 03:55 PM)
I've got this life
And the will to show
I will always be
Better than before

#415115 - 11/02/12 09:02 PM * [Re: Lancer]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 04:51 PM)

#415135 - 11/02/12 10:47 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
Sometimes there is a clash of personalities and agendas...

You couldn't be talking about ME, could you? Nah. You don't see a prophet in the room, do you?

Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
Lancer, I remember what it was like when you first came here

I'm not sure I do. Would you let me in on it? thing some us develop apparently is a sense of humor, huh? One nice thing is the trust that grows from sharing some of the most "shameful" parts of ourselves...and then we learn the shame isn't ours.

Still have no clue why I fired up this thread except to let it take on a direction of its own.

#415137 - 11/02/12 10:56 PM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
Blue1966 Offline

Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 83
Loc: USA
It isn't just here, other support sites and, because I have openly said I am a survivor on a non abuse forum - survivors are crawling out of the woodwork there too - so much so that I have set up a group on that forum for more private discussions, though most seem to simply be taking it public anyway.

The other, related trend I'm seeing is that among those of us that have be out with our abuse for a time, we as a whole seem to be digging deeper, getting into more of our issues faster, pushing ourselves to heal, sometimes too fast.

Some other things too, but the other synchronicity things are a bit less tangible, shared dreams, parallel lives, same uneasy feeling at the same time, and offering a similar explanation, just a lot of seemingly unrelated things that start looking like more that coincidence when you look at the big picture.

#415158 - 11/03/12 02:55 AM Re: Observation - New Survivors Coming...Ashore [Re: Lancer]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
There's a principal in AA that "Your sobriety helps my sobriety" So it is here too where "Your recovery helps my recovery". Reaching out to others gets you out of your own head, which sometimes is a dangerous place to be.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan


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