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#415141 - 11/02/12 11:27 PM Re: Forgiving Your Abuser??? [Re: M. J. Stewart]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Wow. Two excellent points. Jwmcd2 mentions one I'd somehow forgotten. I mean, what is the big friggin' deal about making an apology? Is it gonna kill you? Or are you too good to make one? Either way, that's not the kind of person I want to be around. Frankly, I toss those kinds aside and they usually don't even notice.

Blue, for me, hits the nail on the head. For me, the whole la-te-da (gawd, did I really say that?) forgiveness crap is to sell books and make sheeple.

Closest I've come, and likely ever will, is that I understand the dynamics at work so I could understand my place in it. But those people are dead to me because I can devote my limited resources to someone more important.

#454210 - 11/18/13 11:34 AM Re: Forgiving Your Abuser??? [Re: Shyshark]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline

Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 178
Loc: Quebec-Canada
I would like to share something. I never got angry since i was abuse 55 years ago. I was a soft heart boy and took all the anger deep in my heart and on my shoulders. Life introduce me to a therapist and he made me work on my anger. Now today i know that anger is good to be use, its only to say i have limits and want to stand by them.

I like crying under the rain, because no one knows I hurt.


#454341 - 11/18/13 11:26 PM Re: Forgiving Your Abuser??? [Re: M. J. Stewart]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
i have already dealt with this forgiveness issue in my own life.
you can read about it here.

for me,
to forgive does NOT mean
to forget, pardon, condone, accept, permit, or excuse the abuse.
to forgive does NOT mean
the abuser escapes judgement or consequences or punishment for his crimes and sins.

to me, forgiveness means i no longer hate the abuser.

if permanent removal of the abuser is required to prevent further abuse, to protect children,
then those actions must be taken, but they should be done without malice or vengeance to avoid corruption of one's own soul.

"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him."
- Booker T. Washington


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