Awhile back I wrote a rough draft and over many weeks have made amendments. It has been ready for sometime but last night I finally decided it was time. I eagerly await his non-response : P
Twenty-two years ago you began what would become the most devastating experience of my life. I was only four-years old. You used your age, size, and my naivety to continuously sexually abuse me and upon my protests suggested I “liked it” and that “it would feel good” but that I should “never tell” because of the trouble I would be in with my parents. Three years later I broke the silence protecting you and told my mother what was going on and she promptly put a stop to it. St. Luke's level of non-reaction to my mother's statement was typical of that time in general, but especially so for a Catholic grade school system on the precipice of its own child sex abuse scandal in the disgraced priesthood of Ellis Harsham. How unfortunate it was for me, you, and your other victims that there was no intervention to prevent you from becoming the predator I know you continued to be at least through grade school and quite possibly to this day. I recall you telling me about your “wrestling” matches with your abuser on his bed, his unusual personality, but worst of all I remember him being Santa Claus for our school's Christmas bazaar. The only sympathy I have for you is reserved for the child who was lost a long time ago. I am sorry for that fact as I am in any case of child sex abuse, but it does not excuse your actions even if it might explain them. Perhaps one day you will work your own issues out and stop the cycle of abuse?
Up until a year ago I was suffering from many of the symptoms associated with being a survivor of child sex abuse. You caused me to experience a loss of connection to others that led to identity problems. This loss of connections involved a loss of the spirit of youth; a loss of innocence, trust, self-esteem, and the replacement of these positive qualities with insecurity, withdrawal, isolation, and self-consciousness. In short, you stole and consumed my childhood in order to feed your insatiable appetite for victimizing others in order to feel empowered yourself. The aggregate of these deprivations was that I suffered unduly as a child all the way through my teens and twenties, endured emotional hardships no person should face in a civilized country, and ultimately began upon the long and difficult path to recovery.
In any event, I am writing to remind you that you did these things to me and that you are accountable. Furthermore, I am in the process of taking everything you stole from me. My childhood, identity, love, confidence, strength, and ambitions will all be mine again. It may be some time before all is regained by my awakening from the nightmare you threw me into but rest assured that day will come.
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh