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#407529 - 08/22/12 12:23 PM Re: The C Word [Re: Esposa]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
I have found that I my case I am super sensitive to being criticized. I usually take it negative and get my feelings hurt. As a survivor I guess it is my desire to make other think I was normal for acceptance to try and cover up my abuse. Thru therapy and my wife's help I has learned that it is not always negative talk at me when i am criticized.
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

#414567 - 10/28/12 07:39 PM Re: The C Word [Re: Esposa]
Mel78 Offline

Registered: 10/26/12
Posts: 16
Loc: North Carolina
Holy Cheese! my survivor and I just had this debate, about trying to control him. I'm a type A personality and I like for things within my bubble to go a certain but I'm not going to fall into the abyss if they don't. I adjust and go on. I tried to explain to my BF that I was sorry if he ever felt like I wanted to control him.

I don't want that kind of responsibility. My love language is "affirmation" and I've told him that for me sometimes things need to be said and in turn he responds with how I try to control his responses. Its ok for me to take his moodiness and cheating but its not ok for me to need to hear that he loves me or that he's sorry, because I can't control everything.

....ahhh sorry didn't mean to derail your thread, but I can totally relate...
Everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith some how, when the world has broken me down YOUR love sets me free....
-Addison Road

#415481 - 11/06/12 02:12 PM Re: The C Word [Re: Esposa]
CdnDW Offline

Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 105
Mel, I'm glad you revived this thread... It's a great one. Same issues here. Coping and criticism and big C words. Part of what is helping is boundaries being set - it makes it about me And my needs rather than about him. Trusting me is also improving things. It has been especially hard because I can be quite opinionated. I am always willing to hear "I don't agree", but he finds ANY sort of conflict tough. He avoids conflict and I love to debate. I find I ALWAYS learn something when I debate a topic with someone. If pushed into conflict or debate, he always gets pissy and takes personal stabs. He feels threatened... Literally!! Thanks so much for the thread and the "paranoid contention" idea. I think this one I might have to print and share with my H.
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave

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