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#413311 - 10/16/12 09:27 PM Scared and Long past due
Gary31 Offline

Registered: 10/16/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Upstate NY
Hello all. My name is Gary, I am 45 years old, and a survivor of what I call "torture" from age 8 to about 15. I feel as though I have thrown my life away. I am a recovering alcoholic, and have trouble loving, feeling love and trusting anyone. I live with night terror. I have been divorced for 21 years and raised my 2 children without a Mother. I currently have a partner of 17 years who loves me unconditionally, something I feel I am not deserving of. My Therapist directed me to this site. I have found it very very helpful, almost like I am reading things I could have written about myself. Especially the forum about not "fitting in" with other groups of males, and same sex attractions.

Thank you everyone that has contributed to this site. It may just save my life. I have been talking with my Therapist about going to the conference in NYC in November. I'm thinking of attending, but am quite scared.

#413312 - 10/16/12 09:45 PM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
jay75 Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
Hi Gary,

Welcome to MS, I have found the other survivors here to be an amazing resource for me. It is unfortunate that you need to be here but it is nice to know that their are others out there that can relate to us and offer a shoulder to lean on as well as an ear to listen. And I am sure that is what you will find here.

All the best to you Gary and your recovery.

"Those are not your sins" A wise man

#413317 - 10/16/12 10:27 PM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
cant_remember Offline

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1070
Hi Gary,

I think MS has saved a number of lives. Probably this one.

To know that there are others in the world struggling with similar or identical issues is a powerful thing to know.

To read about others struggling, fighting and sometimes succeeding, it's what keeps me going.

MS is the only place where I feel understood, so welcome home. Here we are for you.

I'll be just fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But I won't let sorrow get me way down.

#413328 - 10/16/12 11:36 PM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4284
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Welcome, Gary!

this site has been my life-line.
hope it is a positive force in your healing as well.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#413347 - 10/17/12 12:22 AM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
Welcome Gary. Glad you found the site but sorry you have to be here. Hope you get the most out if the site.
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

#413395 - 10/17/12 12:11 PM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
ACRoberts Offline

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 242
Loc: New Jersey (recently moved fro...
Welcome! This is a great place for healing and sharing experiences which can help us feel less "alone".
I remember the first International Conference that I attended several years ago was life changing. I hope you seriously consider attending. There are great sessions available and the presenters / therapists are the best.

I wish you all the best in your healing path.
WOR Sequoia 2011--it has changed my life!

#413857 - 10/22/12 01:35 AM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Ohio
Hi Gary, Thanks for your introduction. It definitely helps me to read posts on here by men going through some similar circumstances.

#413930 - 10/22/12 01:07 PM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
WVguy Offline

Registered: 09/23/12
Posts: 18
Loc: Upstate New York
I somehow missed your intro here Gary. Keep with reading here and you will find a great deal of sympathy and understanding. Though the circumstances of the abuse we've all suffered is different we all tend to have the same feelings afterwards. You've already been a buddy for me and a kindred spirit in a time when it's exactly what I needed, so I hope I might be able to do the same for you!

#414189 - 10/24/12 11:44 PM Re: Scared and Long past due [Re: Gary31]
thedudeabides Offline

Registered: 10/10/12
Posts: 39
Loc: Augusta, Georgia
Hi Gary,
I just saw this post and thought I would officially say "welcome" even though we have chatted a few times already. You stay strong. See you in NYC.
I don't ask for much, I only want trust,
and you know it don't come easy.
Ringo Starr

They flutter behind you, your possible pasts;
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost...
And strung out behind us the banners and flags
of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags.
Roger Waters


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