The ANSWERS keep flooding IN! BREAKTHROUGH!
I sat in the seats like a wolf among sheep. My coping mechanisms were off the CHART! I wanted to bed the women, I wanted to steal from the donations, I wanted to answer that these around me were HYPOCRITES and FRAUDS!
I am BEING ABUSED! I wonder how that little old lady would have responded to that! That's right. My sister sexually abused me! I am in a place of worship RIGHT!!! I confess!!! My parents have bruised and bloodied me more times than I can count!!!
That is right Sam, reveal all that you have on you soul, bring it to Him.
You don't have nothing to hide, it is not needed to cover it, no one will judge you.
I remembered so many moments when I've felt completely broken, I looked at God and cried:
- other boys were touching me and I liked it
- me and my bro did the same and I like it
- I searched for porn and watched every VHS available since I was kid
- I've had sexual fantasies many times and still have it
- I've had urges to masturbate on daily basis and still have it
I've been full of weaknesses and I didn't like it:
- I felt occasionally huge shame but that couldn't stop me
- I hated who I'm but that couldn't stop me
- I've been scared of my future but that couldn't stop me
- I prayed just in moments of despair
- I've felt like complete failure and did nothing to change it
I brought all that I've had on my soul to God and felt accepted with all my inadequacy.
He is encouraging me to accept myself in full,
He knows me and I'm not ashamed anymore,
He loves me no matter on all terrible things that I did.
I do ever since the same when I want to talk to God, I reveal my self in full and than I feel His love.
He can take all pain away, He can erase all bad memorise, He can give hope, He can give unconditional love.
He is waiting with opened arms no matter on circumstances.
I've been waiting for so long, I'll take those arms, I need it
Hang on Sam, I'm feeling blessed that I meet you as well as all other survivors present here.
Place of worship?
That is your or mine heart!
I don't see nothing scary there!