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#412558 - 10/09/12 10:32 AM First year with MaleSurvivor
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3856
Loc: South-East Europe
Well I'm a little bit surprised and caught of guard when I've seen that today is exactly one year since I've came to Male survivor.
One year ago I was so lonely and in some terrible stress because of my work. I needed to travel a lot, to change hotels every other day, there were always some new people to whom I've had meetings, and to intensively work with two colleagues, one was great, other-team leader was the most demanding micromanager that I've ever meet. So there was a lot of tension in the air all time: from social interactions and from our schedule. I've been into some dark place at nights and visiting some gay porn pages to escape from my reality, I was felt terrible empty at the end but couldn't control that cycle and repeated it all time. Every day and night looked completely the same.
One night I was angry at my self and kind of desperate so I've put words "gay imprinted" into google and such search brought me to Male survivor smile
It was great journey ever since!
I've become aware that I'm survivor. I was thrilled afte I've read some of stories here, it was so overwhelming, suddenly I've read about many guys and theirs stories and with more or lees similar problems...
I've started to think more critically on all things that happened to me, to share here my thoughts and problems, to talk with some of my friends, and to go to therapy after couple of months.
The most important thing was that I've found my twin brother here with similar issues, I knew that he was struggling but we never talked openly.
So we started to talk about our past and I was felt like some big part of me that was hole become filled again.
I can say that I moved a lot from place where I was one year ago. I still have problems with porn and masturbation but I know now why I do it and what is laying in background.
I know that healing journey is not over for me.
But I've meet some wonderful survivors who's fight is so inspiring, I know that is possible to fully recover, to stop hurting self, to be kind and more carrying to partners/family/friends and to love more self!
Thing that I've learned is that I need to fight and never give up, mo matter on obstacles, problems and difficulties, I have to repeat to myself all time: "healing is possible" smile

If I知 sad early in the morning
If I知 full with tears during my day
If I知 far away in my thoughts
If I知 troubled with repetition of many fails
If I知 closed for everyone I care
If I知 not enough true man
If I知 always weak to stand alone
If I知 always scared to show my love
If I don稚 trust fading in fears
If I知 worrying too many times
If I知 upset by tiniest thing
If I知 lost forever in my deeps
If I知 everything negative that you can think
Notion that every letter has power to heal
Is fact that sometimes I dare to believe
Such irrelevant insight that could be
Equipped with power to change any deal
Glimpse of children痴 play in vast field
Even you my friend trying to see
In those moments no matter how weak might be
I just keep repeating words for own survive
No matter how silly those could sound
I知 filled with light from simplest thought:

I'm sending hugs to all of you (((( smile ))))!

Pero (Igor)

My story

#412559 - 10/09/12 10:46 AM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
sentry Offline

Registered: 08/12/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Happy Re-Birthday Peroperic and congratulations on a good year of healing!

#412561 - 10/09/12 12:13 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
jay75 Offline

Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145

Thank you for sharing. You and many others here inspire me daily with your affirmations and hope. May your day be filled with love, clarity and peace.

"Those are not your sins" A wise man

#412568 - 10/09/12 01:20 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4226
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Dear, dear Pero,

congratulations for a full year of healing progress.
and well done for all the positive, inspiring, encouragement you have offered to others.
and thank you for consistently being there for me and your reassuring "don't be scared."
may your next year take you even farther towards wholeness.
(but please don't forget your friends here!)

love ya, man!
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, 窶弖iolence!窶 but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#412576 - 10/09/12 02:00 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
Congrats man. Good job
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

#412619 - 10/09/12 07:36 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
hey Pero

Well done man ONE YEAR Wow.
I was still a bit wobbly on my first anniversary, but slowly things started to turn and come right so yeah Healing is possible

Heal well
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#412622 - 10/09/12 07:43 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas
congrats on your first year...

my 3rd year is coming soon.... wow!
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#412623 - 10/09/12 07:52 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California
Dude in 1 year you have accomplished so much. You inspire me.

Happy Birthday, man. I celebrate with you. And I'm called to consider you my brother in recovery.

Big giant hug (if you're okay with one)


#412625 - 10/09/12 08:26 PM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Dear Peri,

As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

You are a great example of this quotation. keep it up brother.

#412660 - 10/10/12 02:56 AM Re: First year with MaleSurvivor [Re: peroperic2009]
peroperic2009 Offline

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3856
Loc: South-East Europe
Thanks guys,
Sentry - thank you for nice wish smile

Jay - you are awesome you know that smile ?

Lee - love you too, I'll never forget the first time when I've read some your insightful posts smile

Country - I hope we all will get couple of prays from you when need smile

Martin - you are my hero with your fight for African brothers

Obi - you are one of nicest guys that I've meet in my life smile

D - my brother in recovery from stars I'm always open for hugs, thanks smile

Jude - you are inspiration, when I'll grow I would like to be like you wink

Love you all smile

My story

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