Sorry for the pain.
As they say in the classics, the shoe makers shoes and the mechanics car? You are a therapist so by implication you shouldnt fix your own problems.
I see you adjusting your behaviours to make him happy and that means you are (.......)
I am so drained. His insecurities and fears are making it hard for me to breathe
I got off of FB because there was a picture of me standing with a male co-worker smiling. He sets these "rules" no hugging another man (I don't even hug!), no friends with men, wants my passwords for email and such, no male can come to our house without him present (not even a neighbor to borrow something), etc. We live in a town of 1500 people and he put an alarm on our house for safety
These are the behaviours of a Co-Dependent. You Are changing your behaviours to suite him, make him calm down.
Pick your battles, fight those you can win and control what you can control. Get a group like CODA, Al-Anon and look after yourself and the kids and the rest will follow.