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#411881 - 10/01/12 06:51 AM Returned
Imjusthere Offline

Registered: 10/01/12
Posts: 2
Loc: Tennessee
It's been a long while since I have been here, nonetheless, I really don't know what I feel. I am here to get some ideas with handling daily stressors, while married to a beautiful woman recently diagnosed with MDD. I guess I can say its good to be here again.
I guess it would help to tell a little of my story....I was molested from the age of 10 or 11 until I was 15 by my brother. However, I did not remember any of this until my senior year in college. It was then that I finally started questioning my sexuality and I spoke with an advisor of my in the religion department. As we spoke he asked if I was abused in any way, I said yes bc I was physically and emotionally abuse by my mother. But then this advisor started asking me questions about my brother and truthfully I don't even remember what it was exactly that caused me to start remember my past. However, I did what I was good at...pushing it all down again, but now I knew that it happened but I still refused to feel, or even really believe it did. It wasn't until I got married that I really started to remember and feel the abuse and the scars it left. It got to the point where my wife told me I either needed to do therapy or we were over...I got therapy. My healing stateted there, after a year I was given the choice to take "a break" bc of my career and then pick up later on. Well after about a year I found the time and strength to start again, however the free sexual abuse survivor center I attended was changed and no longer supported traditional therapy with ppl like me bit now focused on ppl recently being victims of sexual abuse or violence. I do not have the money to continue therapy and as my opening comments states, I am also trying to support my wife the best why I know how and am willing to learn how to even more. Thanks.

Edited by Imjusthere (10/01/12 07:11 AM)

#411898 - 10/01/12 02:23 PM Re: Returned [Re: Imjusthere]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5971
Loc: Sunnny, South East USA
Welcome Imjusthere,

Daily stress can be a good sign that we are not coping well, in fact, that the stress each day brings is adding to our baggage of previous abuse, feelings of uncertainty in our abilities and of course, anxiety about our loved ones. Major Depressive Disorder can be a once in a lifetime issue, but it is more likely to be reoccurring.

We do "push it down". That is a common coping mechanism with survivors. Having a year of talk therapy, then a year off is a good thing, sometimes we need to absorb the challenge that we have initiated as well as the counsel we have received. I am in my third year of recovery without a therapist and it has been quite an experience. I discover the control symptoms then research with great books such as "Evicting the Perpetrator" by Ken Singer and "Working with Adult Incest Survivors" by Kirschner and Rappaport. These give me a more clinical approach, I am not a touchy feel'y recovery guy, I like to know what needs to be changed without all the bells and whistles. Then, as you can see from the post count, I challenge myself, then I come in here and post the experience allowing my fellow survivors to weigh in with their own life experiences and success. It has been wonderful. I have also gone to a Weekend of Recovery, that was a turning point in recovery.

"But enough about me.., have you read my book?" Lol, well, that is my experience with no money and recovery.

May I offer? My dear supporter has bouts with major depression, especially when our two boys left the house at 18 years old, about a year apart. They last anywhere from a few weeks to four months with similar symptoms to MDD. She is not bedridden, but she sleeps most of the time in naps, dissociates with her internet games, picks little fights and the like. Of course, my first year of recovery was in my bedroom, so please understand my perspective, she is much healthier than I. My advice? Tell her it's ok. Live with her as you would a sick, close friend. When she gets frustrated with herself, tell her you understand, and you have felt that way about yourself. Let her find the words and feelings to recover, while you let her know what she is doing is perfectly acceptable.

Now, to you. What do you do to relax? Do you have visualizations? Stretches? Breathing exercises? Have you considered a Weekend of Recovery? There is a wonderful thread in MaleSurvivor on Self Care... . Survivors usually run on improving ourselves and dissociating from emotional issues, so this may be a difficult time for you. Have your time to yourself, have a lot of it, so that when you are supporting, you are who you want to be for her. Self care is a large part of supporting, get what you need to be who you want to be.

Additionally, posting one topic at a time with much detail will give you the maximum feedback. It is good that you gave us an overview in the Introductions topic, very good. In the other forums, a specific issue at a time gets specific feedback, a good thing.

Who were you before? It would be good to have that background, if you are comfortable. My best to you, I look forward to interacting with you on the boards.

My name is Sam, and I am glad you have found us again.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#411910 - 10/01/12 05:34 PM Re: Returned [Re: Imjusthere]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Dear IJH,

Welcome back. You probably know what you can expect here, but its worth saying again that we are men in various stages of healing that understand some of what you're feeling and going through. Read posts and post your own feelings and thought and know that we have your back no matter what.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan


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