My husband and I are having "make up" sex for the first time in our marriage ever. We've gone from disassociating, almost obligatory sex once a month to using sex as a way to be closer. Hate to lead in with that, but this is a big deal.
After a year of couples therapy and four years of individual therapy for me, and EMDR therapy for my husband over the last year (and heaps of individual before that), and 12 step programs, and self-help books, and this website, we've finally had two steps forward that have landed us TWO STEPS FORWARD!
Not only did we navigate our arguments differently (and more gently) this week but he was fully able and happy to engage in make up sex. It's still a bit awkward for both of us, still a bit anxious at first, but it worked. We managed to feel better afterwards and closer than we did starting out.
Later we watched a movie and I had my hand on his arm. He moved my hand to a different position and said, "I have a hard time with some kinds of touch, but try it this way and I might get used to it." and I nearly cried! For happiness! He told me how he felt, he corrected something that made him uncomfortable, and he was willing to continue.
I know it may move 100 steps backwards. I know there's still a lot of uncertainty and there's still a lot more work for both of us, but I'm staying in this moment, and this moment is amazing. At 45, he's learning to explore and enjoy sex for the first time and I feel so blessed to be the person to share that with him.
Thank you to everyone on this forum who has shared with me. I wouldn't have appreciated this as much as I do without the stories and insight and wisdom.