Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
It is understandable that you are feeling like you want to leave before you ever say a word. That is actually very common. I know for me, as long as I don't actually say the words I can minimize or deny things. Saying the words somehow makes it more "real." It is also scary because once said, the words cannot be taken back.
But doing those things are what helps us heal. Talking about what happened, acknowledging that it was as bad as we thought it was - perhaps it was even worse than we let ourselves realize. Dealing with the uncertainty and the anxiety of not being able to take back those words also helps us heal and grow.
You are absolutely under no pressure here. Everything you do or say is at your own pace. Choice was once taken from you. Here, everything you do, you do as a matter of choice. Take things at a pace which is comfortable for you, or as comfortable as it can be, given the subject matter.
You do not say whether or not you are in therapy. If you feel therapy is an option, there are resources available. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping
. Psychology Today
has listings of therapists for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.
Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.
At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.
We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles.
They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.
Again, welcome to MS.