I was born on Aug 20 1963, three month early, into a family that was made up of half sister, half brother, real sister, my brother did not live with us. My real dad died when I was 21/2 years old. I was know a kid of a broken home, my mom was singal moth of four kids at age 20. We lived in a low income houseing in Southern New Hampshire. My mom work 2nd shift at GE. We had a setter who watched us every day, she would abuse us from time to time. She had a 15 year old Daughter who would force me to play sex games. This went on till I was 8 years old and it started when I was 6 years old. My mom moved into a new house around my 7th birthday. That when she started to date a man who become my step dad, in a few years. I would walk over to his farm every day where I would help with the care of the farm. He would be working get home around 5pm I would be their by myself from 3pm till 5pm. He had a friend of his that would come around the barn when he was not their. At first he would just talk with me and bring me Soda, candy and some time give me Money. After a while he started to toughts me and make me toughts him. Then he would make me have sex with him. Some time he would make me suck him off, then he would force me to have sex with the cows while he watched. He would tell me if I told anyone he would hurt me. This went on from Age 7-12. I also had to deal with sexual abuse from him and abuse from my mom. I tried to kill myself many times. I could not talk to anyone or tell anyone. I was lost, I also had no friends in School and was teased all the time, when I was in 1st grade, through 6th grade they made me set in front of the office, that was my class, due to the fact I had a learning disibilitie. Back then that how they handle kids like me. They did not have speical Ed classed till I got into jr. High. Around 13 or 14 I started to attend CCD classes through our church, which I loved it very much. I met the youth group minter, who would talk to me and let me just be me. He would take me to a lake house, bowling, rideing, summer camp, I trusted him very much to the point I opened up to him about what happened to me when I was younger. Then thing changed, he started to feed me wine, one night I passed out and the next morning woke up with no clothes on and their was blood in the bed. He told me that their was not a thing wrong with what we did. I did not know at he time what truly happened. This went on from Age 14 till I was all most 19. My life been a miss since my child hood, many job, many moving to run from thing, anger issues, relationship issues, copping issues, shame, quilt, blame, low self Esteam, low Self worth, depresstion, PTSD. Unhappness, sadness, wanted to kill myself to end the pain. Did not start to work on this till I was 48 years old, and have spent most of my life living in hell from all the abuses. I am working on my recovery and healing through my prays, faith in God, attending CR meeting weekely by telling my Story.