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#410729 - 09/20/12 02:25 PM Re: Touch 101 [Re: aksnowyowl]
Robert1000 Offline

Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 453
Hey ak, I hope I didn't freak your dude out too much. Sometimes things hit me in the gut, and take me by surprise, but these days I'm really trying to have an attitude about the fucked up trauma that I went through thanks to a sick bastard who I still might kill if I had the chance... (Wow. That's kind of surprising. I guess I'm a little pissed off this morning. Whatever.) Anyway, no shit, I'm trying to have an attitude like, What the hell. It was just rape. I'm still alive. Still kicking. I'm married to a wonderful woman. I've got two beautiful kids. I'm not going to let that piece of shit keep me down!

I am angry today. Traveler knows about it. We've had a few threads, yesterday and today, that have kind of set me off. But the truth is that it's OK. I'm really trying to feel my feelings and just let them go. It's hard to do. I have SPENT SO MANY YEARS traumatized and hurt, humiliated and ashamed, hiding stupid lies and feeling guilty about SHIT I DIDN'T DO but was done to me or SHIT THAT DIDN'T REALLY MATTER and that contributed to me hurting the woman and my family. I doubt I'd ever be called on to give my life for my family, for my wife and kids, but I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I'll go one better. I'll live for them. Every day.

And so, once again, let me just say, what the hell! Shit happens.

And then good shit happens. Thanks, Lee. Thanks for being update on a day when I need it. I feel so fucking conflicted today. I could just fucking burst.

I've got to get off this fucking site. Take it easy, people.

#410731 - 09/20/12 02:28 PM Re: Touch 101 [Re: aksnowyowl]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4285
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Robert - hang in there, dude! i love your attitude. you ARE gonna make it.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#410733 - 09/20/12 02:40 PM Re: Touch 101 [Re: aksnowyowl]
Robert1000 Offline

Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 453
Thanks, Lee. I came back on in the hopes to see a kind comment, and I saw this one. I've got tears in my eyes at the idea that I'm going to make it. Thank you. I'm sure going to try, my friend. I'm sure going to try. Bob

#410759 - 09/20/12 04:23 PM Re: Touch 101 [Re: aksnowyowl]
aksnowyowl Offline

Registered: 08/18/12
Posts: 47
no worries bob! the h isn't freaked out by you, he's freaked out that this site exists...that it needs to. like i said before, it's good that your posts are here. when its time he'll need them.

my heart goes out to both of you: lee and bob.

keep telling us what works lee. if it's working for you, it'll help someone else.

and bob, i'll back lee on this one: hang in there!! it's not like we're person-to-person friends, meeting each other's families, and apparently, hunting on weekends:) but what you write has an effect on me. it stays with me. i take it with me after i shut the computer down.

it's very tech-age, but it's a connection of some kind. one that helps me, that makes the day a little better. what more can i ask for right? like i don't ever want anyone else to fix my shit, i'm possessive of my shit, of my problems:)i know it never works to have someone else step in and deal with my life. but anyone who's willing to just stand in the shit of life with me?! that's a connection i want. anyone who's willing to crack jokes while we stand in shit together, that person i'm going to know for life.

so i'm sorry you're in the shit of life bob. right there with you saying life dealt you traumatizing shit and right there with you saying, life dealt you a wife and kids you seem to just ADORE.

i find that sometimes the best i can shoot for is neutrality. not eliminating anger or getting passed it, not being totally grounded or with it, just aiming for neutral ground where my thoughts and actions and feelings aren't good or bad, not harming or helping. this is especially true when i'm exhausted.

planning an elk trip can't hurt either:)

#410760 - 09/20/12 04:24 PM Re: Touch 101 [Re: aksnowyowl]
aksnowyowl Offline

Registered: 08/18/12
Posts: 47
i was going to write more encouragement bob, but my 3 year old just came downstairs from bed without a pull up, saying she pooped. here's to the literal SHIT OF LIFE!

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