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#409847 - 09/11/12 06:47 PM Getting past the past. (possible triggers?)
YankeeCatcher Offline

Registered: 09/11/12
Posts: 2
Loc: NY
Hello. I'm new to this forum. Here's me trying to get it all out of my system in one fell swoop.
My best friend was sexually abused by his Mom from age ten to 15. Another friend of mine was raped in a laundry room when he was 14. Whatever happened to me was a lot less traumatic. But I never shared with either of them.

When I was in the 6th grade my friend Steve was picked up hitchhiking after school by a man who fondled him. (I should explain, this was in the 70's so hitching rides was still commonplace). Steve's assault was all over school the next day. I'm ashamed to say the idea of sex stuff sounded like fun to me, so there I was, hitching rides in the same spot as Steve when a man in a car picked me up. Then he yelled at me and called me a stupid kid. I remember thinking, "Why did Steve have all the luck?" For all I know that man may have saved my life.

Then there was the time I went swimming in the lake when I was 12. A man asked me if I wanted to play ball. He seemed friendly. He balanced me on his knee and felt me up going "Oh, yeah." I felt his huge thing underneath me and I knew I wasn't ready for that. I squirmed. He held on. My suit was double-knotted. I broke free. "Come back with your friends!" he said. "Ok." I lied. I remember thinking, "Stupid homo, I don't have any friends!"

The very next day I went back. There was a different man on the street nearby. "Hi." He said. "It's ok, I'm a priest." He said. He opened up the trunk of his car, there were 5 bibles neatly arranged.
I remember stepping back because I didn't want to be thrown inside. We ended up at the pool nearby. He made me pose at the swim ladder which, I realized later, were sexual positions. Then he asked me if there were nude showers. I took off running. He was weird and I didn't want to end up on a milk carton.

When I was the same age my uncle was drunk and tore the pajamas off my body. He held my arm as I cried and he raped me with his eyes and with this grin on his face he grabbed my pecker and called me a "Cute little shit". I never felt the same way about my Uncle again and avoided spending the night at his house from then on despite my aunt's protesting that I didn't give them enough quality time.

I was about 13 when a man named Gordy asked me if wanted to see his boat. Once inside there was a naked man who was "sleeping". I remember looking at this big man with a tiny dick and I was fascinated by his wirey pubic hairs. Then Gordy asked me if I wanted to fool around. I laughed out of nervousness because I didn't know what he meant. He started getting undressed ,and I was afraid, so I made up an excuse to leave.

The only other time things got weird was at a community center near home. I got to know some older guy and when he got me alone he lifted up my shirt and gave me a titty twister. Then he pushed me up against the wall and dry humped me really hard. The thing was, I'm sorry, but I liked it. That's not to say what he did was ok, it's just, I was afraid to come to terms with the fact that I was gay, and he was telling me it was ok. Anyway, some little girl saw us and he stopped. Maybe she thought we were wrestling. I never told anybody anything. didn't want to get in trouble, I guess. So, that's my story.
Yankee Catcher

#409848 - 09/11/12 08:11 PM Re: Getting past the past. (possible triggers?) [Re: YankeeCatcher]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
Dear Yankee,

Wow, alot of close calls and near-misses. Its amazing that one child can be approached by so many pedophiles. I'm sure the cumulative effect was very traumatizing and confusing for your sexuality. You are in a good place to sort that out. Welcome and keep posting.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#409852 - 09/11/12 10:47 PM Re: Getting past the past. (possible triggers?) [Re: YankeeCatcher]
YankeeCatcher Offline

Registered: 09/11/12
Posts: 2
Loc: NY
Thank you, Gary. That means a lot. (Shedding tears) Good. All done with that. smile YC
Yankee Catcher

#409857 - 09/11/12 11:22 PM Re: Getting past the past. (possible triggers?) [Re: YankeeCatcher]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Holy sh*t YC: "Whatever happened to me was a lot less traumatic"

I haven't found that the necessity for help or acceptance here on MS has anything to do with the degree of the abuse. My experience was less traumatic than some, more traumatic than others. Just doesn't matter...particularly when I've felt frightened, frustrated or insecure. I've had people like Garydosh to, as I put it a week or two ago, hold me up by the armpits until I could walk again.

What's also important is that I was violated at an age when I couldn't do anything about it by a supposedly trusted adult who used his power over me for a selfish, violent act. And it didn't all come together for me until 40 years later.

You're in the right place YC. Hell, dump anytime and as much as you need to. Glad you're still around.


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