I'm the hang up for a particular and long standing request from my husband. I've said no since we first married (didn't know about the abuse) and now that I know this was a part of his abuse I have a "hell no" response to it. The eye contact thing suggested is powerful whether triggered or not. My husband doesn't seem to be triggered by sex or have noticable performance issues, but some ladies here recommended it for intimacy (and they say maintaining erections too if that's a problem) and we loved it. It kept us "present".
Wife of a survivor