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#409196 - 09/06/12 02:17 PM Hello and Introduction
DavidMI Offline

Registered: 09/06/12
Posts: 1
Loc: MI
I've been lurking on these forums for about a year now and finally decided I should register. I'm looking for common support and I'm quite isolated in the area that I live so it's rather difficult to find support when I need it outside of my immediate family.

I was sexually abused while attending a private boarding school between the ages of 12 and 13 and it's taken me the better part of 25 years to really come to terms with that and start dealing with it. I've been in therapy now for about 6 months and while I'm getting needed support from my therapist and a few very close friends, I still have days when all of this is overwhelming to me. Being a male survivor is particularly hard due to our general society being unable to acknowledge that sexual abuse happens to boys and men too. It seems to be out there but nobody really wants to talk about it.

I appreciate on-line friends and have very few reservations talking openly about pretty much anything. I'm gay and have struggled with that identity most of my life due to my abuse. I'm not religious and I am not seeking to be converted but I am always respectful of differing viewpoints in that area. I've taken different steps towards resolution that have not included pursuing my abuser or the institution where the abuse occurred and I sometimes have conflicting emotions as to how I've chosen to resolve things. Emotional roller coaster is somewhat of an understatement.

I've very easy to talk to, I listen well, and I'm old enough to know that I might be able to offer advice or support. I also enjoy using commas and run-on sentences.

Thanks for listening, I'll crawl back under my rock now for a little while and lurk.

#409202 - 09/06/12 02:48 PM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4285
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
David -

***I also enjoy using commas and run-on sentences.***

three of my biggest vices are lack of capital letters, over-use of dashes, and avoiding 1st person pronouns. we should get on well!
and about that "emotional roller-coaster"... we have a whole amusement park here so you should feel right at home.

seriously - welcome as a participant. hope you'll keep posting and not just lurking - if you have something to say. and from the sound of your intro, you sound like a very perceptive and articulate guy. and - hope you find the kind of support and understanding here that you are looking for. the community here has helped me more than anything else in my life.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#409205 - 09/06/12 02:56 PM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
Welcome David, sorry we met like this but welcome and come on in and take a load off.
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

#409275 - 09/07/12 01:00 AM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 512
Loc: Ohio
Hi DavidMI, Thanks for your introduction and welcome to MS. Hope you find the support you're looking for.

Having conflicting emotions over how we choose to resolve things seems to go witht he territory. I can relate to that.

#409306 - 09/07/12 02:20 AM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
[quote=DavidMI]it's taken me the better part of 25 years to really come to terms with that and start dealing with it. quote]

Welcome David. It took me 42 years to work up the courage to deal with my abuse. You are in good company. let the healing begin.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#409333 - 09/07/12 05:08 AM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
ANDREW63 Offline

Registered: 08/27/11
Posts: 164
Loc: Australia
Hi David WELCOME to Male Survivor , I am pleased that you have found us all here .It took me 40 years to finally disclose my childhood abuse at the hands of my Grandfather ,i have been seeing a therapist for just over a year and it has helped me to talk about my abuse that went on from the age of 8 until i was 11 .I am more than happy to talk to you Mate .Please excuse my lack of commas etc: cheers Andrew .
LOOK AT ME NOW I AM A SURVIVOR !My inner child and I are now doing this together !

#409344 - 09/07/12 07:13 AM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2241
Hi David,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

With over 10,000 members here at MS, you will never be alone or isolated again. Though we have different stories, we have much more in common than we have differences. It is not necessary to "pursue" either one's abuser(s) or institution(s) in which the abuse(s) took place in order to heal. Each of us must choose the path that is best for ourselves.

As for the rollercoaster - this journey we call healing is the wildest ride you will ever experience. Please keep hands and feet in the car and buckle your seat belt.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#409395 - 09/07/12 06:58 PM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
bodyguard8367 Offline

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""

Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 01:33 AM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

#409405 - 09/07/12 07:54 PM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
Metolius Offline

Registered: 02/09/12
Posts: 41
Loc: Oregon
Hi David.


I'm gay, and one of my abusers was a priest at a boarding school I attended throughout my high school years. It took me 35 years to get around to dealing with that abuse. I chose to litigate over that abuse and reached a settlement that I thought was fair and just. However, it too was an emotional roller coaster. From my vantage point, being on the emotional roller coaster is part of the process of recovery. So don't kick yourself too hard for choices you've made; and don't rule out any choices at present for fear of the roller coaster.

I'm glad you're reaching out and hope you can find a community of affirmation and support here at Male Survivor. The weekends of recovery have been a great resource for my recovery at present, and there's lots of connections to be made here in the online community.

Take care of yourself.


#409412 - 09/07/12 08:30 PM Re: Hello and Introduction [Re: DavidMI]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Welcome David. Glad to have you aboard - I don't think any of us really WANT to be here - but it's amazing support. Very glad to hear you have the T and friends who support you.

Speaking from my own experiences in the past week, MS fills in the gaps when the T or friends aren't enuf. The guys keep me grounded and let me be a complete mess when I need to be a complete mess (think Bette Davis "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" - THAT'S a mess)...without trying to "fix" me. These are guys who understand the process first-hand.

I like options, too. I've made considerable use of both public boards and PMs since the legal side can be a bit touchy in my current situation.

Speaking as a gay man, one thing I've also found remarkable is that the bonding here is without regard to sexual orientation. It just doesn't matter. What's more important is that these guys have been/are my brothers as they would be in my family.

I came from a home of physical, verbal and emotional abuse. The CSA was my high school guidance counselor to whom I'd been referred when I was desperate for someone, anyone, to help me. He was also staff at a church camp where I worked. The institutions turned a blind eye to what he was doing with me...and apparently others.

But, unlike 40 years ago, this time I'm not alone.

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