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#409191 - 09/06/12 01:11 PM Possible my grandson was abused.
Grandma Offline

Registered: 09/06/12
Posts: 11
New here. I have a 2 yr old grandson who might or might not have been abused.
The appropriate people are being called in. I am just here for advice, support, information and education, so I can help him.

I hate the idea that this may have happened.

I also fear the necessary process of reporting and what that will bring for him.

If nothing happened, the process that is about to begin could unnecessarily harm him. If something did happen, then this is necessary. Since we do not know, we must call in outside help.

This makes me sick, literally.

He is sound asleep now, in his crib wrapped up in his blankey.

I have looked at the possible decisions of the professionals. They can say:

Yes, something happened.
Maybe something happened, but we are not sure.
No, we are confident nothing happened.

I am trying to prepare myself for all three. I have to keep my junk together now , so I can be strong for him.

If the professionals are confident something happened, that will be a horrible confirmation of my suspicions. But with that determination, we can clearly identify the perp, get that person out of my grandson's life and begin healing.

If the professionals are confident that nothing happened, that will be a HUGE relief. I will not stop scrutinizing the person I suspect, but it would be a great relief to know that my precious grandson has not been harmed in this way.

If the professionals come back and say maybe something happened, that puts us in limbo. We can take some steps to protect him, but we do not know anything. Since my grandson does not talk, he cannot speak for himself. He cannot confirm or deny the suspicions. The only way he has to tell us what happened, if anything did, is by his behavior. A "Maybe" is most likely what the professionals will say since there is not physical evidence, just behavioral changes in my grandson. If the answer is "maybe", as expected, other than obviously getting him away from the suspected abuser, what can I do to help my grandson?

Prayers,advice and support are requested.

#409207 - 09/06/12 02:59 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
You/ they are doing the right thing by investigating. If it is not true then Praise the Lord. If it is true there is a whole Army of people here ready to rally behind you and help you. I am praying for you and your family.

Edited by Country (09/06/12 10:30 PM)
Edit Reason: Typo
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

#409208 - 09/06/12 03:00 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
sugarbaby Offline

Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 382
It sounds like your going to have to wait on the pros and see what happens. Keep us posted.

#409256 - 09/06/12 10:21 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
didi Offline

Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA
Hello Grandma,

My Prayers are with you and your Grandson. It is very difficult to prove abuse with him being so young, not talking and no physical evidence.

Is it possible to plant a small "babysitter camera" in your Grandson's room?

Warm Regards,

Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

#409384 - 09/07/12 04:52 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
CdnDW Offline

Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 105
Hello Grandma. Wondering how you and your grandson are doing? Just wanted you to know that even if we don't have answers for you, we are still here to listen to your thoughts, fears and successes. Remain vigilant because all children deserve this. Never worry or be embarassed to speak out in fear you may be wrong. It is always better to raise the flag and find nothing than wonder and say nothing. This is how abuse is allowed to occur. I have a 6 and10 year old and sometimes my 10 year old complains that I do not allow him enough freedom. Without too much explanation, I tell him it is my job to protect him even if he doesnt like me for it. I give him tonnes of freedom to show his independance and make his own decisions, but when it comes to his safety, no way. He desperately want to be allowed to use the mens room in public places without me hovering, but I say no, even if he hates me for it. I know that he will understand when he is older.

Any adult who feels threatened or offended by your concerns can take a hike! They are just letting their own ego get in the way of the needs and protection of your grandson.

I applaud your courage. Keep well and I hope you were wrong.
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave

#409389 - 09/07/12 05:56 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
HD001 Offline

Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 276
Loc: us
Way to go grandma! Its horrible to have to investigate and wonder but you taking these steps is so important. I have seen a lot of CSA growing up and the sooner steps are taken the better. When I was abused nothing was done for years and it shattered my life. But my parents learned their lesson and so when it happened to my little brother they took quick action and got him on the road to recovery right away. As a result he didn't have so go on suffering in silence for years and is now a healthy loving 20 year old young man. Because he has been taught to not feel ashamed or keep quiet. He asks for help when he needs it and can work through any lasting effects without much issue. He is amazing. You are doing right by your grandson the only way to fight abuse is to pull it out of the darkness and remove the shame. That little boy is lucky he has you. Bravo!
Everything comes from within

#409402 - 09/07/12 07:45 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Country]
Grandma Offline

Registered: 09/06/12
Posts: 11
Thank you country. I really appreciate you response and covet your prayers. Bless you.

#409411 - 09/07/12 08:27 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: sugarbaby]
Grandma Offline

Registered: 09/06/12
Posts: 11
I do have to wait on the professionals.

My daughter talked with the professionals who specialize in this and after talking to her on the phone for about a half hour, they gave her an appointment to bring my grandson in next week for a physical exam. They point blank old her that without any physical evidence, the best they could do was tell her "maybe."

I thought that folks who specialized in this sort of thing could observe the child's behavior and at least make educated guesses from that. But they told my daughter they were not going to do anything except a non invasive physical exam. I am relieved it is non invasive, but without interacting with him, they will not be find out anything.

I LUV the idea of having cameras installed in his room. I would probably want them all over the house though. And that would not prevent this perp necessarily. But it would make it harder. The suspected perp is the step-father, so, he lives with my grandson. (My grandson has been out of that house for the week and with me, so he is safe for now. ) Even so, that being the case, it would not be too hard for this guy to find other places to do what he wants, if in fact, he is doing anything.

My daughter keeps vascilating about her relationship to this guy. She does not want to lose him if he is innocent, despite the problematic nature of their relationship, particularly the last year or so. I wish she would just get rid of the guy, so my grandson would not be at risk. But, that is not my decision.

I have told my daughter that if she chooses to continue with this guy, I would like for my grandson to come live with me. She is not yet open to that idea. She is his mother. She loves him and feels like he should be with her. While I do not have any problems with that, it being with her includes being with him, then I believe something else needs to be done. I have put the option out there. I cannot control what she does with it.

But first things first. We are waiting to see what the professionals say. After that, who knows?

I will definitely keep you updated. I am not real familiar with forums, so is it proper for me to begin a new thread for updates? Or should I continue adding to this thread?

Thank you all for your support, concern, prayers and advice. We really need all of it.

Thank you again. Bless you all. I am sorry that I am learning from your experience, because this is a terrible thing and no one should have to go through this. Even so, I am very grateful to you all for sharing your experience and thoughts with me.

#409415 - 09/07/12 09:10 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
Robert1000 Offline

Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 453
Hi Grandma,

I wonder what makes you think your grandson might have been sexually abused? A two-year-old can talk. As someone who survived abuse, although not at that young age, I can tell you that I've always known something that perpetrators don't seem to know... and that's that the perpetrator does this sort of fucked up thing when he/she feels like he/she is alone BUT THEY'RE NOT ALONE! The kid is there, too. THE KID IS THERE, TOO. And I don't care how young the kid is. Kids know when something is wrong. They know it when something bad is happening. They won't necessarily have the vocabulary for it. They won't even know how to process it, but they KNOW what happened. And I don't think that even a kid that small will forget. And, worse, kids will mimic behavior. A kid who was molested has no boundaries when it comes to their private areas, and they will violate the boundaries of other people. Often in just the same way that they were violated. Or with the same fucked up smirk. And a weird laugh. Because they know how weird it is. And it's only sort of intentional. But all they're doing is trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THEM!

Whew! Holy crap. This post evidently hits me where it hurts.

But let me tell you this: The kid knows. The trick is to figure out how to ask, so the kid knows its safe to answer, and also so they're not led to say something they didn't mean. I think that's why I've heard that investigators will watch what a kid does with dolls....

Good lord. What a world we live in. I sure hope you're wrong. I hope you're wrong.


#409427 - 09/07/12 11:02 PM Re: Possible my grandson was abused. [Re: Grandma]
didi Offline

Registered: 07/12/08
Posts: 165
Loc: USA

Two years old is very young for a child to be talked to about abuse. You have to be very careful not to ask "Leading" questions. Doll/Play and Art
Therapies are all useful therapies; however, I would leave
That to a Behavioral Therapist that specializes in Child Sexual Assault. Your prosecutors office should have a name of a good
Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility!

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