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#408673 - 09/02/12 02:08 AM Hello
MissyM Offline

Registered: 09/02/12
Posts: 7
Hi, I'm glad to find this support site, and that there's a place for family too.

I'm a 40-something divorced mom with two sons. Young men ages 21 & just turned 17. Through a series of episodes, my younger son revealed that his dad's girlfriend's teen son abused both sons together beginning 2000 (ages 4 & 9) lasting a few years. The abuser made them do things together. More recently he said my older son continued to abuse him afterward for years. This is all complicated by mental illness in our family. They have had therapy & psychiatric help over the years but neither brought this up. The older boy was being treated for severe anxiety long before this happened, but is now schizoaffective & psychotic: when he's psychotic he can rant & mumble things related to abuse without knowing. My bipolar 17yr old is falling apart. We all still live under one roof, plus I don't have insurance or $$ for therapy right now. It's hard to accept I missed this. I was supposed to protect them.

#408680 - 09/02/12 04:48 AM Re: Hello [Re: MissyM]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
It's hard to accept I missed this. I was supposed to protect them.

Don't do that to yourself please! Stepparents and step-siblings as SO far out of your vision and reach, they aren't even in the same state.

Plus the abusers are masterful deceivers.

The step-creature's mother may have actually covered for him. There are SO SO many factors keeping you in the dark, its really not worth spending any time on shared-blame, as there IS NO SUCH THING as "shared-blame" here, now, then or whenever. CSA cases place blame on the abusers and the enablers.

Concentrate on you and the boys getting through this. You know that left to their own devices, things would not go well for them. You are doing what you need to do, and I'm very very sorry you and the boys are at this point.

I hope and pray that you find everything you and the boys need to survive and thrive.

#408684 - 09/02/12 06:10 AM Re: Hello [Re: Still]
MissyM Offline

Registered: 09/02/12
Posts: 7
Thank you so much for your kindness. Their dad's former girlfriend recently started coming around again & has really triggered the younger son big time. With help, hopefully the healing can begin for them.

#408699 - 09/02/12 02:01 PM Re: Hello [Re: MissyM]
blacken Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1990
Loc: Northern Ohio

Ditto to what Robbie said, except that at some point, now or in the future your sons May blame you for not figuring it out. This often stems from a child's innate belief that parents are
"all-knowing/seeing". So I recommend preparing for that also.

Teens can & do come to this site. PM a mod for guidance on this.
But please be aware that people here are not required to tell you what your sons might say here & it can get dicey with confidentiality & parent boundaries.

I would also suggest you make connections in the Friends & Families Forum.

Lastly, check out the book list MS recommends, and/or, PM Ken Singer for book suggestions for teens.

Welcome & I hope we are able to be supportive to you.


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