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#408156 - 08/28/12 03:37 AM By way of introduction
Catsman Offline

Registered: 08/28/12
Posts: 2
I don't count myself as having a childhood. My father was an alchoholic/diabetic. He had no use for medication or counceling. During a 7 year period he had 8 jobs to my moms 1. Fired from them all because of his temper. My mom was usually the brunt of this. Me, he just neglected and ignored. Children were women's work. After picking me up at the sitters one day from work, we came home to find an empty house. No furniture, his stuff and half of hers and all of mine, gone. We move some 400 miles to my grandparents home. Year and a half later my grandfather dies. Two years after that the rape started by a nextdoor neighbor. Mom thought he would be a good replacement for my granddad. The rape went on for 2 years during early part of elementry school. All the while being told to trust and obey adults. I was a child and didn't know anything. So when I was made to promise not to talk to anyone, wel........You get the idea. From then on until after highschool, I was the man of the house. After school was homework, then cook super, water and weed flower and vegetable beds, pick any ripe veggies. Weekends were more yard work and cleaning the house. Summer breaks were intense cleaning of basement, house, flowerbed and garden planting and weeding, and general up keep of the property. I couldn't associate with anyone who didn't meet my mom's interview qualifications. So an only child turns to art and books. I ended up going into the Army with PTSD and not knowing it. The service only made it worse. Hard to hide from a bunch of other guys that you weren't socialized properly. Finally, in my late 30s I started to get a little therapy. In my midfifties I am in a PTSD only group at the local VA. I didn't know about this group until today. I am planning on sharing the address with my therapist. There are at least 2 others in group that could be here. I've made a lot of progress, but have a long way to go. That bad seed was buried far too long before being brought to the light and dealt with. My mom is in her mideighties and still doesn't know about it. Not much point in going to the nursing home and telling her now. Hope to make some friends here. I've been using my art as therapy. Sometimes it can go to some dark places.

#408162 - 08/28/12 04:40 AM Re: By way of introduction [Re: Catsman]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4226
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
welcome, Catsman!

you'll find a lot of understanding and support here.
i totally relate to much of what you've written.
i am an artist, too, and teach art and lit.
glad to have you with us. hope it is as helpful to be here for you as it has been for me.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3

#408230 - 08/28/12 07:32 PM Re: By way of introduction [Re: traveler]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my fraternal brother, Catsman.

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding, hope & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends in pain.

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries. We will help in your fears & share in your tears.

You are already on the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. Hang on it's a wild ride.

Glad that you got some PTSD help via the VA. I went to a 12 week PTSD (CSA) mixed group therapy. Although my military service had nothing to do with my child sexual abuse. My VA disability rating was enough for the mental health folks to ask me to help form a sexual abuse PTSD group. I'm glad that I did because I had a huge relapse & had myself locked up in their mental facility in Waco, Texas.
Glad that you are concerned for some of your friends too.

So, my fraternal brother, Catsman, wishing you well in healing. You are on your way.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#408232 - 08/28/12 07:48 PM Re: By way of introduction [Re: Catsman]
monkey Offline

Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 53
Loc: IL
We welcome you with open arms, Catsman! Proud of you for making the step to find us and to get some PTSD help. We here at MS can relate to you on several levels. I have yet to get myself to counselling or professional help. Right now just have MS and other websites and a few of my close friends(that I have told) as my therapy.
I too am an artist and use it for therapeutic purposes. Altho not much lately. Need to get back into it. It is a nice escape. Wonder how many of us are artists of some form or other?
The Flower Unfolding

#408264 - 08/29/12 02:47 AM Re: By way of introduction [Re: Catsman]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 511
Loc: Ohio
Hi Catsman, Thanks for sharing your introduction. Hope you find good support here at MS.

#408375 - 08/30/12 04:20 AM Re: By way of introduction [Re: Catsman]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2133
Hi Catsman,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

Please share this site with anyone you feel will benefit from being here. I frequently mention MS in the group I attend, and my individual and group therapists give many clients information about this site.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.


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