Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
Incidents such as those you experienced by your mother are sometimes difficult to categorize as abusive or sexually abusive. However painful, it is good you are able to see what your mother did was not only grossly inappropriate, it was sexual abuse.
I hope you can see your father's last words to you as evidence of the fact he never understood that you were violated, nor that you have been hurting since that time. Sadly, his question to you may have been delivered with the intent of causing you more harm. I am sorry his ignorance about sexual abuse and the devestating consequences that result is a viewpoint too often shared - that what happened was a "choice" and not an assault.
What you experienced either from your mother or from that other kid was NOT YOUR FAULT.
Abuse is the fault of the person / people perpetrating the abusive behavior.
You do not say whether or not you are in therapy. If you feel therapy is an option, there are resources available. For help in finding a therapist please read the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping
. Psychology Today
has listings of therapists for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.
There are several books you might find useful.
Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter.
Victims No Longer by Mike Lew.
I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore
Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.
At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.
We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles.
They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in January.
Again, welcome to MS.