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#407753 - 08/24/12 05:32 AM Re: Introduction [Re: sentry]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2242
Hi Sentry,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

I hope you know that you are not worthless and that no one has a right to do with you as they please. It is difficult not to believe those messages when they have been pounded into you.

The messages you were told are lies.

You are a valuable person.

The only ones lacking dignity and value are those who harmed you.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

I am glad you took your T's advice and decided to see what MS has to offer.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#419862 - 12/22/12 08:48 PM Re: Introduction [Re: sentry]
finallyopen Offline

Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 69
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Hi Sentry
Just wanted to say hello again, haven't seen you out and about in chat.
Hope to see you soon and that all is going well at your end.
My Story :

#419911 - 12/23/12 02:07 PM Re: Introduction [Re: sentry]
sentry Offline

Registered: 08/12/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Hey Finally.
I am still here and surviving.I ment to PM you for sometime now.I have been around just kind of quiet I guess.I sometimes I think I learn more from the postings here then from any other resourse.I was in the chat room last night(it was packed).I have learned that I am not alone or living in a vaccum since coming here to MS.I can't tell you how many times I have read a posting from another survivor and it is like a page right out of my life and what I go through.Fear seems to be my biggest struggle.Someone shows an act of kindness or pays a compliment and my reaction is all wrong.I can't trust it and I slip into this protection mode. Like what is the real motive. I guess lack of trust goes right along with fear.It is like always being ready to run or fight for my life( hense the name Sentry).I know I push people out of my life when they seem to get to close. I can't seem to help it. The fear is just to strong. My life has always been living or existing on the run. I still see my younger self standing there in the shadow alone facing away from the me.I can't seem to find the right words to say and I am deathly afraid to approach him.I don'tknow if that makes an sense to you.
A while ago you mentioned that you had been going to some support groups over the years in Southern Ont.I was wondering if you could share more info about them. You can PM if you would rather.
Since being here at this site I have already found tremendous relief from the terrible isolation I had been living in for most of my life.Christmas has always been a time of year I have dreaded.I would rather be in Iraq.It dawned on me yesterday that allthough I am not to the point of celebrating I am more stable than then I can remember being. I believe it is due to people here like yourself Finally that check on others and offer some support. There have been a few other suvivors her that have done so much to help me!!! Please accept my gratitude. I want so much to pay it forward.

#419923 - 12/23/12 04:00 PM Re: Introduction [Re: sentry]
Sailor John Offline

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Sentry,

It is never too late to start the healing process. I am in my late 50's and I waited over 40 yrs before I finally admitted that I needed help for both the emotional, physical and sexual abuse that I suffered - then only when I was very deeply depressed.

There will be many detours on this road but remember that all detours lead back to the main road, some faster than others.
I'm personally just getting over a bad time, a detour that I thought would never end. The detour DID END though after about 6 months.

I actually think I'm better for having to take this detour because we all learn from our mistakes/problems by facing them demons and stareing them down.

You can do it. There are so many people before you that have worked or are working through these demons. There are many on this site ready, willing and able to help you.
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.


#419934 - 12/23/12 05:43 PM Re: Introduction [Re: sentry]
BuffaloCO Offline

Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 490
Hi Sentry, I am so glad you found this site. There are many stories here and mine shares some things in common with you. I grew up in a world of verbal, physical and sexual abuse that started for me mostly around age 5 or 6, but I had been beaten already before that time. I understand your pain in existing to survive, as I believed the same thing. I also fully believed growing up that the only thing I would ever be "good" at was providing sex mostly for adults.

I am with a T now, and that along with the support I've found hear has helped me to start the process of being free from all the hurt and from the lies I learned to believe. This is an awesome place with great people and resources. So welcome brother! Know this, you were never defined by the evil that came into your life as a child. You have value as a man, and I know you can find help here to sort all of the junk that comes from abuse. You are with friends, and we care.
�We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.� - Plato

#419936 - 12/23/12 06:56 PM Re: Introduction [Re: sentry]
sentry Offline

Registered: 08/12/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Thank You Buff!!!

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