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#406408 - 08/10/12 02:53 PM * [Re: jls]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217

Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 11:52 AM)

#406454 - 08/11/12 05:34 AM Re: Any Others Here Abused In Their Teens? [Re: jls]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2607
Loc: durham, north england
Well if an adult is someone with their own career, then my brother has only just become an adult at age 33, sinse it took him nearly 10 years and 400 cv's to persuade anyone in the legal profession to give him a training post, --- -but it's not about his visual imparement, ha ha, and another two years to complete it.

Indeed, if career is the deffinition, then I'm pretty much not an adult now at age 29 and probably never will be, sinse though I am just finishing my phd, after which I'll be training as a professional tenor, but whether I'll ever get paid! to do this is doubtfull in the extreme.
On the expected social norms front, I also simply do not want! children, even aside from my genophobia or any considderations of relationships.

In one sense I rather like the fact I can still enjoy computer games, disney films, and pretty much all the things I enjoyed as a child Indeed one deffinition of an adult might be that your an adult when you don't need to assert the fact you are one!

As a teenager, it wasn't that I really considdered myself as an adult, more that my perceptions, interests, thoughts and yes, I am absolutely honest, my interletc, were not what was seen as normal by society for a teenager, and often I really wished I was older just because all the people who had anything like similar interests or thoughts to me were older.

this is why I'm never sure of the csa asa distinction and how to apply it to myself.

there is also I think one more general danger in applying distinctions too rigidly, that of privilaged experience. "I'm an X! I have experiences unique to being an X, and nobody who is not an X can understand!"

For x read any group identity you want, religious, gender, disability, racial, having gone through a certain traumer or have a certain desease etc.

While I have noticed that one of the major strengths of male survivers is a really strong quality of open mindedness. At the same time however, because some experiences are so different, and even more because I know many survivers like myself are enclined by feelings of worthlessness to minimize their own stories in comparison to others, and by those ever present feelings of being alone, I do hope the csa asa distinction won't get carried too far.

Fortunately, one quality which I have! noticed in abundence here is empathy, and so even when a story is vastly different or when feelings are different, people will have enough wisdom to attempt to understand the feelings of others, and can still offer advice born of that empathy rather than their own experiences.

For instance, one of the best peaces of advice I remember receaving here about feelings of worthlessness was from Roger aka freedom49. He'd experienced sa at the hands of his father, which is absolutely different from my story, but still, his advice was hugely valuable.

I therefore myself try to think of any person's experiences as purely individualized to them, with understandable effects, rather than how similar or different they are to mine.

#406457 - 08/11/12 06:14 AM Re: Any Others Here Abused In Their Teens? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 4151
Loc: resettling in NE Ohio
Originally Posted By: Smalltown80sBoy
Don't feel alone. Nobody's alone here, not as long as I'm around.

I LOVE that, Gary!!!

you are great!
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"

#406498 - 08/11/12 06:15 PM Re: Any Others Here Abused In Their Teens? [Re: jls]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Hey jls --

Well, put me on your list. Abused by a high school guidance counselor in his office during school hours when I was 15/16 (sophomore). And the reason I was there? Physically, verbally, emotionally abusive home environment in which they'd threatened to have me "sent away" b/c they thought I might be homosexual, an issue the perp used to his advantage. The abuse continued at a summer church camp where he was part of the administration. The story:

I've dealt with the home abuse for years via ACoA meetings and therapy. I'm perfectly at ease with my gayness. Have lived for years in a community where it's not an issue and I have the freedom to be exactly who I am. The CSA only came up in its glory with the Sandusky trial and Freeh report on PSU. Bam! Made the connection and here I am. (Wish someone had the decency to yell, "Incoming!"). Sheesh...I'm taking action for myself - including a T for the first time in years - but still reeling in the past month. I really didn't want this sh*t.

The SA stands out from the home abuse because I was desperate for help and felt he was my last hope. He upped it a notch. After that, I simply gave up: grades tanked, quit hobbies, school activities, church, etc. Not only was home not safe or a refuge, neither was school or church.

Personally, I've always considered it CSA, if you want to put a label on it...I was a kid emotionally and, as some pointed out, legally. So, yeah, PM any time you wanna talk.

#406516 - 08/11/12 10:43 PM Re: Any Others Here Abused In Their Teens? [Re: Lancer]
jls Offline

Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
As young teenagers many of us considered ourselves to be adults but really we were not. Part of growing up is wanting the power and privileges of adulthood but without any of the experience or understanding of the responsibilities that come with it. Minor teenagers still need alot of care, support and protection as they navigate new paths in the world. For them to go it alone in the world without it is a recipe for abuse.
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And well change the world.

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