I am in my 5th year of recovery after years of silence and I still learn new things all the time. I shared this thought at another place but it has helped me so much I wanted to put it here. I recently heard Iyanla Vanzant say on TV, “Until you heal the wounds of your past you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, or alcohol, or drugs, or work, or sex, or any addiction you want, but eventually it will stain your life. And you will continue to bleed until you find the core of your pain and develop the strength to deal with the memory and make peace with it.”
She goes on to say that P-A-I-N stands for: Pay Attention Inward Now. I take this to mean we must personalize the pain and find the solutions inwardly-internally not externally.
I understand that each experience of abuse is as unique as the victim’s way of surviving. While individual history is important, pain is pain so detailing the specifics of my experience is not as important as what I did not only to survive it but how I healed my soul from the inside. There is a old Texas saying, “Sometime you have to rise above your raisin.”
True, some secrets are hard to share. Some words are hard to write. Silence can create an imaginary safety net. Breaking the silence feels like breaking a promise, sometimes putting your relationships or your reputation at risk.
However, for some men when the pain of secrecy outweighs the risk of opening up, or when opening up seems less risky than before, then the willingness to see themselves as having been victims opens the door to tremendous healing and, paradoxically, greater personal strength. For me, bringing it to the surface also resulted in the closest relationship I have ever had with my Higher power. This has become my “spiritual awakening.” I am beginning healing from the inside internally. Trying to solve this internal problem from the outside has never worked for me. Notice I said healing-not healed-this is an on-going process. It takes a lifetime. I do the best I can and never give up while my Higher Power stops my bleeding. This is the only way that I have been able to find the core of my pain and make peace with it. It is the only way that I have found to stop the bleeding.
Thanks for listening,
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.