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#406195 - 08/08/12 02:32 PM Re: To My Fellow Supporters [Re: Esposa]
scottyg Offline

Registered: 06/26/12
Posts: 289
Loc: Seattle That was a 180 behind-the-back and under-the-leg slam dunk that broke the backboard.

With one post you just made F&F obsolete. Might as well pack up this forum and make this thread the new splash page everyone sees when they click here

#406231 - 08/09/12 12:30 AM Re: To My Fellow Supporters [Re: Esposa]
herowannabe Offline

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Dream on, Scotty! wink

For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

#406645 - 08/13/12 09:20 AM Re: To My Fellow Supporters [Re: Esposa]
Lancer Offline

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Having lived on both sides of the co-dep issue, brava Esposa for your post. Wish more co-deps would read it...or at least hit some Al-Anon meetings. (lol...and that's my POLITE expression of an opinion).

Controlling and/or being controlled are natural reactions, but only limited in their usefulness. Put another way, being a helicopter has about the same effect as being an annoying housefly.

As I've progressed in my recovery I've learned when the expression of various emotions are appropriate and inappropriate. Sometimes a blowup is appropriate. And sometimes that gets the message across. Sometimes just going with the flow is appropriate. Sometimes it's being a door mat.

What comes out of it is the freedom to not feel as if one's walking on eggshells all the time. My responses and reactions become more honest and spontaneous.

btw, I've yet to learn to do it perfectly.

#412721 - 10/10/12 10:58 PM Re: To My Fellow Supporters [Re: Esposa]
northernflicker Offline

Registered: 08/20/12
Posts: 88

#412724 - 10/10/12 11:44 PM Re: To My Fellow Supporters [Re: Esposa]
Blue1966 Offline

Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 83
Loc: USA
I would have had a major problem with the T in the OP.

Beyond say yes or no and mean it, I disagree.

Love, yeah that's an elusive thing, few really ever find it, but it does exist, and it's amazing when you do find it.

Separate? Oh so we are supposed to abandon each other just because it's a little rough? Reinforce what has been done to us over and over form multiple angles? I don't think so.

Anymore there is so much emphasis on not being co-dependent that even a healthy turning to each other for support is getting labeled as such.

Yeah we might not have it exactly right but you know, stuff like that makes me glad there isn't a T that would be reasonable for either of us to go to - all too far away.

#412840 - 10/11/12 11:31 PM Re: To My Fellow Supporters [Re: Esposa]
Esposa Offline

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 811
Loc: NJ
Hi Blue - I am not sure I am clear on your post but "separation" is what makes turning toward each other possible. Separation doesn't mean separate and certainly doesn't mean abandonment - it is the psychological perception of two distinct people who can remain attached while turning away and toward each other.

Anyone ever read HOLD ME TIGHT? It is a really interesting book about adult attachment theory.

As far as the distinction between codependency and support - there is a MAJOR one. I am 100% present should my husband need support, reassurance, comfort, affection. I am not, however, available to be swallowed whole.

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